UPDATE BELOW-
I am sitting on my back porch and looking up at the branches of the oak trees, how the limbs form and branch off into smaller branches, going in all different directions. That seems to be how our lives are.Last night I told Marsha, our oldest daughter to go to you tube, Scott Brothers-Hold On. It’s a song about coming home. I told her maybe this was a sign Richard's coming home. He’s been stuck overseas working, since February, because of corona. I told her that when her daddy and I were in the service, each time I heard a certain song , he came home unexpectedly. It wasn’t this song, but I told her maybe this Hold On song, was her and Richard’s coming home song. I was trying to give her hope to hang on.
My son-in-law is finally coming back home. Not the happy homecoming we had planned though.
I was awakened this morning by Marsha. She said cops came to their house asking if she was ____, Richard’s exwife. She said No, but told them where she lived. Cops then asked if Richard was home. She said No, he’s been overseas working, since February. They didn’t say what it was about, but left. She found out later they had gone to the ex-wife's house and then came back to hers. They asked if she had a way to contact Richard, if so, get him to call # of Sheriffs Office. Richard called Marsha back hysterical. Cops told him his daughter committed suicide. Can you imagine. We are all heartbroken and in disbelief. No one knows WHY and what’s sad, we may never know.
My brother in law I told you about Douglas, is taking Chemo. He had to go to ER yesterday. I won’t get into all that, but he told his wife as bad as he feels, he would walk to my house (2 miles), if I would make him something he likes to eat. It gave me purpose, so I am getting it to him after while.
While dh and I were trying to eat a bite of lunch, an unfamiliar SUV drove up. I went on the front porch and to my happy eyes, I realized it was Mason! We haven’t seen him in so long! He lives 2 hours away and everyone’s been isolating. It was a happy surprise, because I had told my husband just a few days ago, how I was so lonesome for him.
I asked Mason if his mom knew he was coming and he said no. I told him she was going somewhere, in about 40 minutes. I shot Ashley a text to come here first. She hurried and came, because she didn’t get my second text saying, nothing else wrong and not too hurry. Her hair was still wet from the shower.
This is a picture of the surprise that awaited her. She fell to her knees and cried because she was so thankful/surprised/ emotional. She hasn’t seen her son since this quarantine mess started.
So, I relate the branches to our lives. The twist, the unexpected turns, the not knowing, if the branches will die off or grow strong.
You know my blood family, needs my Cute family’s prayers. We hate to see anyone hurting , especially our children, no matter how old they are. Of course, the parents want her death investigated. No one believes Gracie would kill herself. It’s hard to understand suicide and often times, there are no signs.....
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109781
My heart is just breaking for your sweet family. I had a best friend commit suicide just out of college. It changes everyone involved. I always tried to be sure to remind my children/grandchildren after they had experienced a sad time or bad day that to wait for tomorrow and see how their prospective changed. I'm so sorry this child went through whatever she experienced to cause her to try and find relief in such a violent manner. Praying for your family, especially Marsha.
1 comment
by toogie
25 Jun 2020
Thank you for being a good Christian friend.
A death by suicide is so devastating because of the unanswered WHY. It could haunt you, in a world without hope. Thank Jesus we have this hope.
I am sorry about your friend. A friend is always remembered. I had a ‘first’ school friend die tragically and her brother with her. A car accident. Thoughts of Julie remain with me. Their mother and dad had to have this Hope to ever get through losing their children.
For those of you that may wonder
The official autopsy results haven’t came back but everyone is sure Gracie did do it. She was left handed and even with funeral makeup, you could see bruising on her left hand, where she would have held the pistol.
158718Toogie....oh my. What to say. I have been crying while reading your post. My prayers to the family on the death of the young lady. No one understands suicide and why, how or even the total finality that it brings. So happy to read about the reunion of family. Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless. The song "It is well with my Soul" pops to mind. Prayers. Tonya
1 comment
by toogie
17 Jun 2020
Today was a hard day my daughter said they were up before 4 am grieving. Tomorrow night they will lay her body out for a few hours, With the funeral Friday morning. My husbands cousin works for the funeral home. He said they only allow so many inside at a time. I know usually when a young person dies it’s more attendance, as their class they finished school with comes and their parents. I don’t know how many will want to wait in line, spaced out 6 feet apart, in this heat.
20088Thoughts of love and tenderness to you and your family as I read your post... I am so sorry for all that has happened to you all and asking The Lord to be close in each of your life to see you through and lift you up. Put it all on His shoulders that carries the weight of the world and all of our burdens and cares. May He be with you all now and always. So sorry for your loss and trying sickness you all are going through. lv&Hugs
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by toogie
18 Jun 2020
Thank you Aris, it means a lot. My daughter Ashley found Gracie’s Bible in her class at church and brought it to Richard last night. He cried and thanked her for getting it for him.
7630While reading your post, I thought of the hymn "God moves in mysterious ways" which lead me to a passage in Romans 11 "Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God" We may not know the reasons for the things happening around us but God is always with us to support us. Hugs and prayers Toogie!
2 comments
by toogie
16 Jun 2020
Thank you for these truths Deb. Right, we do not walk alone. He is and always will be, with us.
14637Toogie, my heart goes out to you and your family. So much is going on. I got to see my youngest daughter for the first time in 3 months for a short time last Friday. She brought her 3 granddaughter's over for us to see for a short time. And now Florida is having increase of cases again, so we don't know when we will get to be together as a family. Please stay strong, and our thoughts and prayers are with you and family. Cyber hugs.
1 comment
by toogie
16 Jun 2020
Is this the daughter that was sick with corona? If not, how is she doing? Last we talked she was back working. It's so good when we hear of survivors, of this dreadful disease.
I know this virus won't be over soon and now we have to get out. Husband and I have been very cautious before. My daughter wants us there for the funeral to help with Ty her youngest, closer to Gracie, and of course we will be. Last night we heard one of the little ones say, whose gonna do such and such with me, because Gracie always did it with them. She is and will be missed. I think why it's so hard understand too is because she was such a fun person.
449044698I am so sorry for the loss of your Gracie. Suicide has been in my family too. You and your family are going through so much and I want you to know I pray for you and your family. I love the way you explained the tree branches. Hugs and prayers, Suzanna
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by toogie
16 Jun 2020
Suzanna, I am sorry your family has been touched with suicide. Life isn't easy, but they need not feel so hopeless. If they could just reach out... death is so permanent.
Thank you for the love and prayers.
18140I thought this morning, how can you feel so sad and joyful, at the same time. Richard made it home. Everyone was so glad he was finally home, thankful he came in safe but yet, such sadness and heartbreak.
We just had a small (for our families anyway) gathering at their home. His mom Beulah and youngest daughter had gone with Marsha, to the airport to meet his plane. The rest of us were waiting at the house. I hadn't seen Richard's mom since this happened. She looked so aged. Marsha's oldest son was sitting by me and I whispered to him I wouldn't want to be in Mrs. Beulah's place right now. I couldn't imagine burying another one of my grandchildren and with tears, Dalton put his arms around me.
The immediate future is going to be hard, for sure. Plans still have to be made for the service... Fathers Day coming up, Gracie will be missed. Ashley saw an old post from Gracie last year or so, wishing her Dad a Happy Father's Day and even though he was miles away, she wanted him to know how much she loved him and appreciated him always being there for her...then her birthday is July 29....
Richard looked so exhausted so we didn't stay long, once they came in. When I remarked to Marsha about he not only looked exhausted, I'm sure he was, she said he said as much to her. He was physically and emotionally worn out.
So we appreciate your prayers, your continued prayers and I just wanted to let you know, Richard is HOME! Always, thanks to the good Lord.
1 comment
by 02kar
16 Jun 2020
I praise God that while you and your loved ones are in this horrible valley of grief that Richard is now home safe and sound. My prayers will continue and my praises will go up also.
109781Toogie, I cannot imagine having to cope with such difficult things in your life. Life does take unexpedted twists and turns, some of which are difficult to accept. Be sure to take care of yourself as well as you are caring for others.
3 comments
by toogie
15 Jun 2020
I am okay just hurt for the kids. My heart just breaks for the parents. I don’t know how I will express to Richard my feelings of sorrow.
by toogie
16 Jun 2020
Oh Mrs Lillian is was a great hug. He always hugs you tight, a really good hug, but last night it was like he was trying to unload a weight. He told me he knew I had been praying for him to be able to soon get home and thanked me for my prayers for him, while he was away....he is such a goodhearted man and I feel so sorry for his loss.....
33641Dear Toogie, what a terrible thing to happen. A very close friend of mine lost her son to suicide last September. Such a terrible shock for the family especially his young wife. I have seen what it has done to their whole family.
My thoughts are with you all at this very sad time. Love and hugs to you.
1 comment
by toogie
15 Jun 2020
Thank you Sarah, I appreciate it. Yes it is terrible, what should have been a joyous homecoming has now a sadness to it. Although we are so thankful he is now in his homeland. He just called.
255054Toogie, again I am at a loss for words. Not much I can add to the lovely sentiments already expressed. I hope you and your family have many happy memories that can comfort you in this sad time.
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11506Sending you big hugs. This picture touched my heart.
In my family if the phone ends up on the floor, what ever is happening that caused it to be placed there, will have super importance.
You and your family will be prayed for.
3 comments
by toogie
14 Jun 2020
Thank you Angie for being my friend.
I understand what you mean about the phones. Even though Ashley came in a rush she had that phone in her hand. That is, until she saw Mason😉- she dropped it when she fell to her knees.
Marsha just phoned me and ask if I would press Gracies clothes she will be dressed in. I’m not sure if they will even be able to have an open viewing but I will press her clothes because they ask. It’s the last thing I can do for her.
by toogie
14 Jun 2020
Angie if you zoom in, Ashley didn’t even fasten her shoes! She jumped out of shower and threw her clothes on
by crafter2243
15 Jun 2020
True. Even fastening shoes had to wait.
P.S. We had a young boy commit suicide in our family. It is devastating. The question WHY never gets answered.
109774This post so touched my heart. Toogie - you are a part of the Cute family so your hurting is our hurting! In our family, a few years ago, we lost a smart outgoing nephew to suicide - just 1urned 19 about to go to College - the world ahead of him and his parents will never know why. The parents especially suffer so very much. And now, we see this sweet reunion of your daughter and her son. It does so touch my heart. I pray for you and yours!! Hugs, Laura
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by toogie
14 Jun 2020
Laura I feel the same about my Cute family. I feel compassion when I hear of a loss, a need, whatever. I think that's what connects us all. Though we may never meet in person, we still care for our friends and extended families. For those I have had the blessing to have met in person or phone, they are just the same as online as in person, caring, sweet and lovable! I also know when I need something I can depend on y'all. Thanks for being here for me and part of this Cute family. Love you too-Toogie
96283So happy Mason was able to get to see you and that Marsha was able to get there...that hug speaks volumes. Sorry for the loss of Gracie, so sad for your family. I appreciate your analogy of our lives with that of the tree... so very on point.
1 comment
by toogie
14 Jun 2020
Thank you Kim, and yes Mason's mom Ashley cried again last night when I asked her if she liked Mason as a surprise. Being a close family, we are all trying to make it easier for each other. Marsha will need our support as Gracie came to her when her dad was off working, if she needed anything. She would go to Marsha, before she would go to her mom...
318529TOOGIE, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I, TOO, UNDERSTAND THE UNBEARABLE HEARTACHE CAUSED BY SUICIDE. I LOSE MY ONLY BROTHER A YEAR AGO. THE THING THAT HELPED ME THE MOST IS KNOWING THAT OUR HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS ALL THINGS. HE KNOWS IF IT WAS INTENTIONAL, OR IF THERE WAS ANOTHER CAUSE SUCH AS MEDICATION. PLEASE LEAVE IT IN HIS HANDS AND YOU WILL FIND SUCH PEACE. HE NEVER MAKES MISTAKES. YOU ALL CONTINUE TO BE IN MY PRAYERS. SENDING YOU A HEARTFUL OF LOVE. ~ MARJORIE
2 comments
by toogie
14 Jun 2020
MARJORIE YOUR WORDS MEAN SO MUCH. I AM TRULY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, AS WELL. I KNOW WHERE YOU CAN FIND PEACE AND HOPE, AND ALSO TRUST GOD WILL SEE US THROUGH THIS TIME OF GRIEF AND LOSS. TODAY IS FATHER'S DAY AND RICHARD SHOULD BE AS FAR AS LONDON SOON, IF NOT NOW. I THINK ABOUT HIM SO ALONE AT A TIME LIKE THIS AND ALSO BECAUSE OF THE SPECIAL DAY. HE SHOULD BE HOME TOMORROW NIGHT OUR TIME.
5755Oh, toogie, I am so sorry for your loss but am glad that Mason's return came when you needed him most. You and your family will be in the my thoughts and prayers. God bless you and your family. Deb
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70755So sorry for your loss, sending you and your family angels to watch over you. Thinking of you all.
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3290So sorry your family is going through this difficult time, it was good the Mason was able to visit and lift spirits a little.
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45918What a wonderful surprise for you and Ashley too. The pictures are great. My heart goes out to you on the sudden suicide of Gracie and I pray that healing will eventually happen to all concerned.
I love the analogy of trees in our lives. The branches are both supportive and at the same time brittle. May our Lord encompass you all with His love and compassion Toogie. Love Chris
1 comment
by toogie
14 Jun 2020
Thank you Chris your words mean so much. It takes Richard 2 days time to get home with all the time changes, but he should be home Monday night, our time. I learned from Marsha last night that the funeral director called and Gracie's body was sent for an autopsy (I'm not sure why unless they suspect foul play) and won't be back at the funeral home, until Monday. Richard will be exhausted both mind and body, but the timing will be good that they both make it home the same day.
234507So very sorry for your loss, Toogie. Death of any kind is sad, but, suicide is horrible especially for those left behind without understanding. Praying for God to hold you and your family close while you work through this.
Love, Millie in Fl.
1 comment
by toogie
14 Jun 2020
Thank you so much Millie. This is not the first time our family has been touched with suicide, but it may be for Richard's family. It is never easy for those left to comprehend.
766Hi Toogie. Sorry to hear of Gracie's death. So hard to apprehend. I had a nephew that committed suicide a few years ago. It is just so hard on family and friends to cope with. So pleased you got a surprise visit from your grandson. That would have boosted your morale no end. I hope Douglas is doing OK. I agree the branches of the trees is like our lies. Branching off in all directions. Hugs
3 comments
by toogie
14 Jun 2020
Shirley, I am sorry for your loss to suicide as well. It leaves the families with all kind of questions and the what ifs. I hope her dad won't blame himself (or God) for not being able to be here the last 4 months. Shutting down travel because of CoVid 19 prevented him from coming home. His flight was re-scheduled 3 times during the mass exodus and then the borders were shut, no more flights, so he had to remain overseas because his flight was finally cancelled. I know he has probably thought,"if only I had been here'. He is going to need prayer, he was especially close to Gracie, because she liked to do things with her dad the other daughters didn't. I guess you realize Gracie is not my daughter's biological child. They both were married before and have children, from other marriages, none together. Gracie confided in my daughter or went to my daughter when her dad was away, before she would go to her own mom. My daughter is having a rough time too.
52686Sending love and saying prayers for you and your family.
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57675I know words can never heal the pain you and your loved ones are going through. Suicide makes even harder. my heart goes out to you all. But it is also singing that Mason listened to our Lord and appeared when he was most needed. You know there will be many prayers going up for all of you for comfort, and wisdom during this time of grieving. I wish I could give you a real hug but cyber hugs will have to do.
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by toogie
14 Jun 2020
Karen we may not understand the mysteries of God's ways, but we know He uses us all to accomplish His goal. Mason may not have realized how he was being used, but we were so glad he came. Ashley has been heartbroken enough, about not being able to go check on and see Avery in person. I know how much being able to see and hold Mason, helped her. Thanks for everything.
169064Toogie both happiness and great sadness in your posting. Suicide is awful, a tragedy and those left wonder why. Thoughts for all of you. Yes our lives are like branches in a tree. Take care
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115775Oh, Toogie, I'm so sorry. What a hard day for everyone. I think God made you wish to see Mason, to give you some joy back when you most need it. Will be praying for all your folks.
3 comments
by graceandham
13 Jun 2020
P.S. I see something different each time I study trees above my deck. A book I read by Annie Dillard talked about seeing stars in the trees in daytime and it sounded crazy. Two days later I was raking leaves and paused to catch my breath, looked up and saw the stars twinkling in the trees. Once in a lifetime adventure.
by toogie
13 Jun 2020
Mason was what I needed. A lovely surprise. I get surprise phone calls, not text-lol-,from one of my older grandsons when he is coming in from work, or a break during the day, from his job. It's always nice to know they think of you, but Mason and Avery lived with us so long, after their parents divorce. I missed him.
A friend of mine sent me a photo in a text. She said can you see my almost 70 year old husband in this tree?!!! I had to stretch it to find him way up high. I said what in the world was he trying to do? She said he was trimming limbs off their pecan tree, that had worm webs. I told her I hope he left some to climb down on!
by toogie
13 Jun 2020
Betsey you are so right about Mason was a Godsend for us. He didn't know about Gracie, until he got here. I let his mom tell him. She was 22, her 23rd birthday is next month.
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