I had to take one of them on a 70 mile round trip of doctor appointments and staff meetings...dealing with his school issues...I'M DONE.........I CANNOT DO IT.....I TRIED, I REALLY DID... I guess I just wasn't cut out to be a foster parent...I love to help people, but I didn't get the support I needed and couldn't go one day without one of the kids going off....Maybe if it was one

Do not worry yourself Deanna, I'm sure you did the best you could ... but sometimes it is not enough...

Big hugs to you

Sissi

Great big bear hugs to you and please dont beat yourself up, you are wonderful. Lisa

Deanna, I hope you are feeling better by now. Your heart is beautiful and we know you did your best. God bless you and your always. Love, Yoriko

Do not feel bad.I was a foster parent for many a year and ther are kids you want to keep and kids you cannot cope with you are not the only one it takes all your strength to say to your workers i cannot cope with this or these children please you must take them and find more suitable services for them.And please don't give up there are still kids out there that need your love and support you just have to find the right blend and work with that. I in the end prefered to take emmergancy care kids only in the end that is where i only had them for over night to 3-6 months tops and if i had some one i couldn't cope with i had to be honnest with myself and let them go as it isn't right to keep them as they know when they have beaten you down and they can destroy a family in the process. take short term placements for awhile and have a break in between you don't have to take every child that comes up the system is over loaded with kids and they will try and overload you if you let them. You are still kind harted you have not burst my bubble. is there a foster parent support group that can help you.

1 comment

by almag 01 May 2010

Deanna - I know what you are feeling. We fostered more than 70 children and at times I felt beaten by the children, often by their wayward parents and, worst still, abandoned by the welfare officers, once they had placed a child in our care. Most times I just loved having the children here. There comes a time, though, when your own family and you need to distance yourselves from outside forces, when the smooth running of your household and undivided attention and love for your own children and husband must take precedence.
If you like children see if there are any little ones in need. Blowing your stack makes you human with real, live emotions. Sadly, some of the children can destroy families and, for whatever logical reason you might be given, they seem to concentrate their efforts to do so. As a foster parent you need to recognise the signs before crises happen and I think that's exactly what you've done. Clear the air for your own family for a while and then, if you still want to walk this road, lay down the ground rules for your home and family and then stick to them.
It seems we are on opposite sides of the world but the problems remain identical.
AlmaG.

Deanna, sweet Deanna. Everybody needs to recharge their batteries. You have to take care of yourself else you can not take care of others. Ever hear Joyce Meyers do "buy the shoes AND eat the cookies"? She has a wonderful ministery and this particular one is about taking care of yourself.

Bless your heart - I just read this... Deanna, you need to concentrate on all that you have done - all the wonderful successes you have had - all the incredible accomplishments! We are not meant to do "everything" and be "everything" to everyone. I think this is God telling you that it is time for a change for you. Keep your chin up and we do know that you are kind hearted!! Pat yourself on the back right now - don't feel down - sometimes we just need to make a change!! Wonderful things are ahead for you - you are doing the right thing!! Hugs, Laura

The bubble didn't burst. You were kind hearted enough to try and now big enough to admit that dealing with emotionally children is more than you can handle. My own "normal" teenagers drove me insane at times. (Twins didn't help). In my eyes you are still tops. Angie

Hi Deanna, I have just lost the reply I wrote. The young people you have will push you to see just what you will take, many of them will be vey damaged young people. There must be a shortage of families to take children and the authorities will push to get as many children places as they can eventhough they know people have said I willonly take one. I see your decision to change as a strength and not a weakness. I am sure with support and less damaged children you will be a brilliant foster parent to one child and not loads. Dont forget to look after yourself too *4u

well, I always wondered how you manage to do this all.and i think you had a lot of courage to try to help. you did a great job, and sometimes you have to make a step backwards to survive. I think you have a heart of gold. and you did what you did with love. so don't be so hard to yourself. you are a wonderful person. hugs 4u!

My heart goes out to you dear Deanna. You have been an absolute gem in helping out these troubled children, but I am glad to read that you are having some respite time for yourself. Anyway, you might find out that only having children overnight or in an emergency situation is what God is caling you to do. Just wait till you've talked with your Certifier. Pray about it with your husband and see what God has in store for you. I know that you've done your best and you may never know how you've touched these children's hearts and lives. But, someday all will be revealed to you.

You are an absolute inspiration to us all and you certainly haven't gone "down" in my eyes. I think you are a saint - not many people can do what you've done. It takes a really special person to cope with all their issues.

I read a book called The Friendship Book every morning - my mum bought me one every year for over 12 years and I can reuse them when the year falls on the right day and today's verse says:

"Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on...." "Someone has pointed out that kindness is one of the most difficult things to give away, for it is usually returned.

But that's no reason for not trying, is it?"

Love and blessings to you Chris

Deanna, I was wondering how you could manage. Having my own kids going through adolescence was not always fun, in fact there were times I could have screamed. And they were considered to be normal (whatever that is), kind, caring and well behaved - ha-ha. Looking after a couple of kids with problems would get a saint yelling and I admire your trying for months. You should have had professional help and some time for yourself. Missing that it was bound to be mission impossible.
Don't be too hard on yourself, take some time for yourself and then decide whether you're up to overnighters.
No respect lost!!
Love,
Martine

Denna, I think it is wonderful you tried to do this job, but we can't always take care of ourselves when we get into situations that drain the life out of us. Taking a child in overnight is a life saver also for them. Will pray you can get back to some kind of normal, whatever that might be. God bless, Judy *4U

Dear Sweet Deanna,
I am amazed that you were able to 'stick it out' this long. Kids know what 'buttons' to push and do push us to our limits. It is difficult to deal with our own sometimes, but to deal with kids who have so many problems and such anger issues, is a lot, even on a part time basis. I think that a real support system would offer you time off. Guess they are lucky to have any place for these kids to be, much less 'time off' for the care givers.
You cannot let this mess up your own health (mental or physical) or the well being of your family. Pray about this, and God will advise you. There are times when we must say 'no' or 'later' and perhaps it is that time for you.
Of course, we have not had our bubble burst, about you being so kind hearted; you need to be kind to yourself, too, and do what is best for yourself.
We love and respect you; you have not lost a glimmer of that respect.
I'll pray for you and that you can come to peace with the decision you've made. God will heal you and will find places for the children. HE is the only one who can solve those children's problems.
Love you,
Jacqueline

Deanna, we are so sorry you are going through so much stress over this - but to tell you the truth - we are glad to hear that you are human, too. Be kind to yourself - do what is best for you and then do what you can for the kids in a way - that doesn't take you out of you. Be happy about this - that you can do what you can - do it well. I will be praying for you dear friend.

3 comments

by camylow 27 Apr 2010

THANKS HON.....I just got soooo angry that they cannot even for 1 hour give me a minute to chill some...it wasn't like they didn't do anything for the kiddos...they went and got pizza and soda, they had games and things....the 16 year old just wanted his way and let you know it....for once the 14 year old was being good...usually its him going off.....Funny you should say that about being human...one of the kiddos mom said they exact thing when i told her i lost my patience and cool...she said she was beginning to wonder if i had any emotions out there....usually I am so level headed, but i got home and just blew it....locked myself in the sewing room for thereapy,,,,haven't even turned on the machine yet....

by nanniesara 27 Apr 2010

God Bless you and keep you in our prayers, your only human and God knows where your heart is. I can feel your pain but sometimes our good intentions get in the way of our own health and well being. Keep your chin up. Your a better person to admit you cannot do it any longer. Sara

by shirlener88 29 Apr 2010

Deanna, you are doing what you need to do - for you - keep doing what you are doing and you will keep getting what you are getting - this can be negative or positive - make it positive. Don't give up you to be loved by anyone else.

Thanks Sara!