when he came on the 23rd he seemed to be ok...in a full leg cast and he wasn't the wasn't moving around too bad and alot....this week he started showing a little more of his nature..wed. he started to defy me in my house rules...when I told him to get ready for our appointment to start enrollement in school, he swore and said he didn't have to go. when my dh got home, i told him of the situation and he talked to him...when it was time to go he went of swearing why he had to...so it started....got to school and found out his i.e.p. reports he was bi-polar, autistic, and many more problems.the boy started bawling when he was told he had to have special ed instead of main stream....teacher took him off and got him calmed.....GREAT...we weren't told and he isn't on meds.....so home they come....later that early evening him and another of our kids were outside....the 13 year old found a spray can and sprayed it and lit it in fire as he did it...almost set our shop on fire....the 16 year old got it put out beforehand and they got at out of the shop just as my dh was coming to check on them....at about 8:30 the boys wanted to
roast marshmellows in the bbq pit....got a fire started and my dh came in to get the hot dogs and marshmellows...the 13 year old picked up the hatched and raised at the 16 year old andthreateded him...couldn't really do much on a leg cast...put it down when dh walked out....later that evening the kid had gotten into the others meds....when we werent around he showed the oldest and asked what they were...when he said they were his and he needed to give them back, he threw them in his mouth and swallowed them...the two of them started bickering and the 13 year old started antagonising him....I stepped in and got the oldest to back down and settled down. when i went in to talk to the 13 year old, he yelled at me to leave him alone he wanted to sleep.... we had called emergency crisis phone to talk about it...they are suppose to call back within 15 min....we never got a phone call back so we decided to have the dhs and our case worker show up first thing in the morning to help.....it was about 10:30 when the dhs called...as we were talking the 13 year old came out with a bloody nose....I get them in the summer when I get too hot , so i didn't put it together....because of the threats and fire starting we were told to call the police in.....i left with the 16 year old and while I was gone the 16 year old told me everything that happened.....and what the 13 year old done...I called them immediately to find out the ambulance had come cause the boy had overdoseed...our license has been suspended and our 16 year old was removed also....he is going to blow up and loose it...our home is the only home he said that treats him as a person and an adult..he really likes being here and I think we are helping him try and get ahold of himself without blowing up in trouble situations...
just before i came on tonight I went found pornography he has bee into through a game system...i am going to post a warning for every parent in another link.
I don't understand how they can put a child in your home that has all these problems-current drug issues-fire starting issues-
medical severe problems and expect things to go good....we have tried to keep knives locked up...meds put in cabinet and locked, treated the kids as respectable individuals...getting them things they do not have and treating them like they belong in your family.......
i have always asked for them to give me younger kids that do not have a history of severe problems...we keep getting told they want us to have the hard kids cause we deal well with them....
I AM SO SICK...I WANT TO JUST WALK AWAY FROM THIS....because of this child I just to walk away from this and forget about helping kids of this nature........we have been placed with 3 kids now that have been trouble from the beginning and haven't turned out well....all 3 have been kindof rushed in our home....I guess that should be my first warning HUH....
I THINK MY DH AND I ARE GOING TO GO AWAY FOR AWHILE UNTIL WE GET OUR SENSES BACK AND GET THINGS BACK TO WHERE WE WERE BEFORE HE CAME INTO OUR HOME.
SORRY TO MAKE THIS SO LONG....
34246
Dearest Deanna...you HAVE made such a BIG difference in so many lives. Please don't let this set back discourage you from continuing. Take some time for you and your husband. I will pray for you...
Hugs
Linda
57491Deanna, Thinking about you! Hoping you get the break you need!
9141Deanna dear you and you hubby need a break. Being a teacher I have seen many of these young children. I am so proud of you for wanting to help them. God has given you the calm and grace needed to support and guide children. I know from first hand experience that a loving home is what these young ones need. I was adopted at the age of 4. Hang in there and know you are so special.
Cindy B.
11473Hugs to you. I understand your pain. I teach school and we sometimes get very difficult children in the classroom and little support from the parents. I am in that situation this year. It takes tons of patience and accepting the fact that we can't always fix these troubled kids. My hat is off to you. You are an angel.
10494My dear Deanna, what can I say to ease the pain in your heart & nausea of your stomach, I know you have both. Your strength lies in God himself & He will give you the grace you need to either continue in this work or quit. I pray for peace in your heart & a serene quietness of your inner self so you can hear Him when He speaks to you. He put this burden on your hearts for these children & He can remove it if that is your desire. I'm so thankful you have us to vent your frustrations to. I think you & your DH need quiet time out for renewal. Know that many are praying for you & you are loved. Lillian
145791Oh I am so sorry for your pain. My parents did foster children and a few well we will just say that were more than a handful and I was happy when they left. It is a challanging job ! Good luck .. Hopefully your 16 yr old will be back
4294I hear your pain & sadness, but you are only one person & you can only do what you can do. It's time to take some time for you & your husband & do like you said sort of regroup! Then when you come back you may have a new perspective on things, I beleive everything happens for a reason, don't know what it is, but something good will come out of all this. For one thing the 13 yr old will (I would think so) get HELP! He definately needs some counselling so you can look at this terrible situation & realize that because of you he is finally going to get the help he is in desperate need of! Then they will see all of the GOOD that YOU & DH DO! I agree with the rest they NEED YOU! & so do the KIDS!I will say a prayer for U
299559Deanna,
Do NOT beat yourself up about this -- it is the STATE'S fault this happened. They deceived you; lied to you by omission of pertinent information; and, they violated the restrictions you placed on the types of cases you would take into your home.
The 13 year old should never have been placed in a home where there were other siblings. They took advantage of you and your husband.
Take some time off -- try not to worry. Turn it over to God and let Him handle it. We are praying for you and the 16 year old. Other replies are right on target; you will get your license back VERY soon, because they NEED you. Personally, I think you need to file a report with whatever state/federal agency is over the local dhs about what they did to cause this whole situation to begin with. As long as local case workers are allowed to get by with stuff like that, they will keep on pushing inappropriate cases off on good foster parents like you -- because that way, the case is in good hands, and they don't have to wrangle with it any more.
Blessings,
Diane
1312Dear Deanna,
I also have to say I take my had off to you. Sometimes my own two kids are a pain in my neck and they go wild without any limit and they are just 8 and 3years old!
Take some time for yourself and relax with a silent and peaceful christmas (maybe finish your new sewing-room? :o).
I'm sure they will give you back your licence very soon cause they need people like you who are willing to give those kids a real home (not just a storage like in most of the youth instituions).
Greetings, Bettina
33986Truthfully Deanna I don't know how you do it. You are awesome. It is sad what has happened to you and I don't understand the state. By doing what they did to you they are loosing valuable resorces for children that can be helped. You should have been warned. Take some time out and enjoy some time with dh and reevaluate the situation.
109774Deanna, you've had a terrible time and your absolutely right to take time for yourself. You have taken on a very difficult job and you know you are trying your best so you can sleep at night with that knowledge. Stand firm with the social workers and your limits on the children. I hope you get your license reinstated soon. There are children that need you.
463420Deanna, that is what we are here for, a shoulder to lean on. It amazes me what the state tries to get out of, knowing the condition of the children they place in foster care. If any of them have a police report, usually they aren't sent to foster homes, they go to "juvy hall", but there are some who slip through the cracks. God bless you for keeping them and showing them a normal life they have never had the privilege of living. Remember you are the only "Jesus" these children will ever see. Obviously you have been called by God to do this. And there are times you NEED a break, so through all this, God has provided you this time to re-focus yourselves. I'm sure your 16 y.o. will be back with you because you have given him a glimpse of HOPE... You have many prayer warriors here and I'm sure at home. God has a plan for you in this situation. Just TRUST Him...Children that are left to raise themselves find shocking things to do and to entertain themselves with, it is up to a stable home to help them find another way to live. :) Hugs to you, and prayers. Terre
36693I want to thank you for everything you do for those kids, God bless you and you DH! I think you need a vacation and relax, think over what had happen.
26714Dear Deanna,
God bless you and your husband - I pray that all this will be sorted out soon. You are wonderful to bring these "lost souls" into your home. I am sure they are learning the meaning of love, family and good moral values.
I will continue to keep praying for your.
Love and blessings Chris
234501I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this....what a shame you were not given all the info. on this child....I hope you and your husband can get away and have some peace....I know God will bless you for the work you have done and turn things around.....May God give you both peace......blessings Janet
8647Not only do you deserve a break - but, you need a break from all of this! They should never have place those kids with you - it isn't your fault!!! So, go and regroup and relax! Bless your heart!! Laura*
96283Dear Deanna, go Go GO and refind your center. Unfortunately there aren't enough homes for this kind of child. They wind up institutionalized until they age out and then on the streets. Our world is a cold lonely place for these abandoned children. Thank you for not hiding your light under a basket. Bless you for trying. Angels surround you.
158718You poor dear, I could not do what you have done! It is not right that they don't at least warn you of the problems the kid has had in the past. I wish only the best for you and know that you will get your rewards in Heaven for all you have done. I hope you can get the older boy back since it seems he thrives with you and your hubby. Good luck!
Debra
33580I am glad there are kind and giving people like you to help these youthsters in need of homes. I know I couldn't do it. I have said a prayer for peace for you. Becky
9846I take my hat off to you and people like you who open their homes to children who need love and protection. I really do not know what to say. What a terrible situation. Thank goodness no one is hurt. My heart goes out to you all the way from South Africa. I know what bi polar is like as my youngest daughter has suffered with it. She is now 37 and on proper medication. Is a single mum and has bought up 2 amazing boys and holds down a good job. I think going away for a while is a good idea. Love & hugs Sarah.
255054I worked with a lady that adopted a foster boy and it wasn't until after they adopted him that he started a fire in the house and came at them with a knife. They were locking them self's up in their rooms at night and feared for their other child. After trying to deal with his issues for more than 2 years they asked the state to unadoptable him and then it was disclosed that he had those tendencies. As it was the state did something with him but this was a tragic outcome. It is heartbreaking dealing with troubled children and when they become teens that just exuberates the problems as their hormones are changing and they get that teen attitude. You can't help them all and the state should know better as it puts everyone in your home in an unsafe situation. Enjoy being normal for awhile because when they get your case sorted out they will load you up with kids again.
89895Deanna, you and your DH should take that break and get things back to where they were before - rejoice in knowing that you have shown these problem children some wonderful values and a good home - it was them - that changed what they were receiving - just habits that they had formed and didn't know that it would harm them - do whatever it takes - to get you & your DH back in a good place - God will take care of the rest. I will be praying for you. *4U
1 comment
211079Wow. that is a lot to deal with, I think a break would be a good idea, sounds like you need one.
Alice
19430