for Easter to see my Mom and sister. It WAS a great day, and I'm so glad we shared it, but they way it ended was so bad. We got to their house, and were settling in, when he just collapsed in the kitchen and died. No warning, he had slightly high bp, but that was under meds. He was 54. I wish I was as numb as I was then. I didn't eat for a week. And then he was buried a day before our anniversary. Would have been 40 years this Sunday coming.
But, I visited the cemetery this morning, and the daffodils and hyacinths I planted are blooming, and the sky was blue. Then I did some shopping, and am now back home sewing on Easter things for my 2 grandsons-that he never got to know. OOps, I was doing better there.Does it ever get better? Took me a long time to be able to talk about him without crying, and still everything I do sparks a memory that should make me feel good to have had, but I feel left out of life. Sure am glad I have on line places to talk to others and feel less alone. You go into your life never anticipating being left behind.
But tomorrow I will get up early, and go to work. The office manager is my best friend, we've known each other since we were in 4th grade, and she'll give me a hug, and I'll start another year. thanks for listening.
Jo
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20463Dear Jo - I have had difficultly reading your post as my tears for you have steamed up my glasses......This must be so hard. I know how it is with a couple of my friends who have lost their husbands. My thoughts are with you today. Big hugs Sarah.
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255050Jo, I can only imagine how difficult it is for you. Pick a day to honor him and try using that as a day to rejoice in all that you had together - the good, the bad, the ugly (if you need) - but a day that you can always share things about him. Not the day of his passing, either. It my be your anniversary or his birthday or a special day that you will always remember - put up special pictures and things that remind you of him - in honoring his life with you - perhaps you can accept his passing and know that he is with God and waiting for you there - that will never change - don't keep in a place that is of sorrow - make it happy and joyful. It may be hard to do - in the beginning - but the more you do it - the easier it will be for you and you will be lifted up - in doing so, too.
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by jofrog2000
17 Apr 2011
This is another one of those things that they don't teach you. It's a day by day thing. I think if I didn't have all the other stressers in my life, I could be more at peace with this. I think he'd be proud of what I've accomplished by myself.
by anangel
20 Apr 2011
Jo,
My heart aches for you! I wanted to add to your note of "he'd be proud"! I am sure he is, and you have a "special angel" smiling down at you as you go about each day "accomplishing"! Remember his love in a warm, happy way, by looking to the sky and smiling, whenever you feel sad! He wants you to be happy and smile! And the other "stressers", he wants you to know "these, too, shall pass"! May God bless you! A big HUG from me!
Angel
211079Very sorry to hear of your loss those many years ago....Instead of looking at Easter as a day of your loss, look at it as a day of celebration...for the LORD rose on Easter for you and all. and Beacause of this, we will see our loved ones again...Your husband has gone on before you, yes, but you shall see him again and he is celebrating with our Heavenly Father,,,Sometimes we need to look at things in a different light....39 years with someone is a Blessing...To be able to have Him with you in person that long is a wonderful thing...and to be able to hold him in your memories forever is in itself a joy...although your grandsones didn't get to meet him, you are able to tell them of their grandfather in a very personal way....through you they get to know him....What a reunion it will be when you are all together again....live life as though he is still here in person cause in your heart he will be with you always....loves deanna
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34246Jo, I am sorry for your loss and I can only imagine how much you miss your husband. My prayer is that you will find as time goes by that it will get easier for you and the good memories will bring a smile to your heart. Hugs, Judy
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by jofrog2000
17 Apr 2011
There are stretches of time that it's possible, I just want them to last longer.
10530I am so sorry. It is never easy to lose someone you love. Try to remember the good times rather than concentrating on the 1 day of loss. It is hard to do but is so much healthier. What would your husband tell you to do or to remember. Honor him by doing it. And tears are OK. They help release the stress and grief.
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by jofrog2000
17 Apr 2011
they better be ok because I sure do let them fall. But alone, while I am around others, I don't.
169064My heart goes out to you....I can't imagine the pain of lossing a spouse....I will be praying for Gods comfort for you and that He will remind you of the joyful times you had together....Gods blessing and grace to you...Janet
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8647He will always be alive in your memories. Some people are able to process their grief until a special occasion like today for you. All of these reactions are natural and normal. There is no "right" way to grieve and have been told it does get better the more you talk about it. There are a lot of cuties here if you need somebody to talk to.
Big Hug for You.
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by jofrog2000
17 Apr 2011
I have a saying on my desk that says that about grieving. Knowing there are ears to listen helps.
89895I am so sorry for you lost. I hope that it gets better. It has been 11 months for me about my dad I can't even think of 8 years from now.
I am sending you a big hug. I will keep you in my prayers. DeVon
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by jofrog2000
17 Apr 2011
So sorry about your Dad. Mine had dementia, so "Daddy" was gone for a long time, but knowing Fred was interesting. Hugs back.
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