I came back two weeks ago i do not know what to do, If I stay in our retirement home, here in Dominican Repubic, I will be fine economically but far from my family. If I move back to Miami, I will be with my family but not enough money, I took an early retirement from my job, my Dh did too, so we moved to this beautiful front beach home in Dominican Republic, he used to call his paradise, and it is indeed, surounded with palm trees and next to the ocean, it is a beautiful place, but I am alone, I have some good friends but they live in the capital an hour from where I am, beside they have their own lives, I can not be all the time with them. If I go back to Miami, who is going to hire a 60 year old teacher, when just in Broward are 1400 teachers without a job? My life change 360 degrees in just a second, from a very happy marriage to a very sad and confused widow. Thank you for everything.

Thank you for your advices I have been thingking about renting this place but I do not know how to start? Any advice will be welcomed. Thank you God bless you all.

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by drcindyl 24 Jul 2011

Have a property manager come over and give you their talk. Lots of realtors do property managment on the side. Perhaps the person who sold it to you also does it. They would be a good person to call because you already know them. They can tell you how much you can get and how much it will cost you. You are under no obligation for their consultation. You need them to cordinate lawncare and cleaning the place after people leave too.

My heart goes out to you. So many changes in your life. Take each day at a time and give yourself time to adjust before you make life changes that you can't undo. Maybe you can rent out part of your retirement home, to a friend who will give you friendship in a lonely time. Best of luck, hugs and prayers.

Mary, I'm sorry I did not see this earlier. I am crying for you because I feel your pain so clearly in your words.
My ideas are similar to the others. Stay where you are until you find a way to go back to your family. You will need to find something meaningful in your life while you are there. The orphanage? A sewing group? Something that gives you a reason to get up in the morning and brings you closer to other people.

I hope tomorrow brings a brighter day.

When you left for Miami, you missed your home. When you can come to the realization that you will no longer miss your home in the Dominican, then it will be time for you to go. Perhaps you can afford a rental in Florida and rent out your house which can pay for it. Perhaps you would draw a higher rent by renting it weekly as a furnished vacation rental and having a property manager handle the details as you will be living in the states. Call some property managers there and start looking into it, just so you have time to think about it. Heck, I might even want to rent a week from you, LOL. My husband and I have 9 rentals. I use lots of websites to list my homes when there are openings. Try VRBO.com, craigslist etc. By the way, I really truly feel for you. I know I love my husband as you love yours and your words bring a million images to my mind. You mentioned a priest, so I assume you're catholic. I have been sealed to my husband for time and all eternity. I know without a doubt that when we die, we will be reunited. Perhaps you should look into that. You can submit his name to a Mormon temple and the workers there will take his name and information and tell you how it's done. You can do this even if you're Catholic.

Thank you all God bless you.

Mary, I don't know what to say since you have had so much good advice. I will continue to lift you up in prayer as you adjust to your life now. Lean on the Lord for He knows just what you need. Hugs, Judy

I can only imagine what it would be like....but people in similar circumstances had be advised not to if possible make any permanent residential move for at least 12 months i dont know how true this is but it seem to be a good idea till things are clearer.......my thoughts are with you.....soozie

Mary, I am so excited about your being able to go to the girls orphanage. I know for a fact that nothing brightens up your day more than little arms around your neck. Don't worry about making a commitment...go when you can and feel like it. I just know this was brought to you for a reason. God bless.;)

Thank you, I talk to the priest today, he is very sweet, He told me intead of asking myself WHY? I should ask What for? we kept talking he wants me to go next week to a girls orphanage, they need help, but I do not know if I am able to make that comitment. Thank you God bless you all, you are all angles.

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by asterixsew 14 Jul 2011

Reading this comment reminds me of a colleague who retired early and sadly her husband died too. She has recently returned from Africa where she has been volunteering in a educational capacity. She is a little older than you. It will take you a long time to adjust to your new circumstances. Keep chatting to us here but most of all keep looking after yourself

I want you to know you are still in our prayers. With your education and experience as a teacher have you thought of working in a pre-school, maybe even volunteering to read to them. Children are such a blessing they have a way of touching our hearts. I work in a preschool and we are always looking for volunteers. You have love that a child could really use. This would help you and them. Think about it maybe it would help. God bless you.

I'm still praying for you and know in Gods perfect timing He will guide you in what to do....my heart goes out to you during this time of sorrow.

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by mary51 08 Jul 2011

Thank you, God bless you. Today I had one of those really bad days, I am fine now.

Mary you must give your self time & it takes a lot of time to get through the loss of your mate. If you can try volounteering, look for someone you can help. This will in turn help you also. You continue in my prayers. I know how difficult it is to adjust to the loss of a husband./Lillian

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by mary51 08 Jul 2011

Thank you God bless you all.

Mary I have not been on Cute for a while. I am very sorry to hear about your husband. I am sure that life is not easy and to decide what to do is difficult. You have always sounded to have a idyllic life in the Dominican Republic. Remember the good times you had and why you moved. Life sometimes alters drastically without warning and it will take time to adjust. Take each day at a time and give yourself time to think. You will know eventually what is right for you to do. Thinking of you

Mary my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Think of all the wonderful memories that you shared.

You have been given some very good advise.
Take one day at a time and as was said, set
goals for yourself and ensure that you reach them, then carry onto the next. This will help.
Hugs and love Yvonne

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by mary51 06 Jul 2011

Thank you! God bless you.

Hi Mary god bless you sweetheart, I have to agree with Alma give your self some time just maybe you are there for a reason. Hugs Sue Ohio

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by mary51 03 Jul 2011

I left my family to follow his dream, retired in this beautiful place, he always said he did not want to die pushing Publix carts. His dream came true for a very short time, now I am here alone, what have you planned for me God? Why did you put this house for us to buy it? Why did we move to this foreing country? Whay did I leave my grown up children, my parents, my sibblings behind? There must be a reason .I ask that question many time, no answer. Thank you for your words

by shirlener88 07 Jul 2011

Maybe it was to give your husband a great couple of years - in time - you might sell it and go to be with your family. Or travel to see them and go back to your home or sell it - when you feel that you can.

Mary, I am in the same boat but my heartache is 4 and a half years old. I am always here if you want to write.
Lyn

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by mary51 03 Jul 2011

Thank you Lynn, I know we all are different and your experience it is necessary mine, but how did you cop with your lost. I feel like I am in a fog, and as much as I want to lift it still there, when will i be able to think clear? Thank you.

Dear Mary - I've been wondering where you've been lately.
The pain in your heart must be intense and only time will ease it, but give yourself time to adjust. Give yourself time to see your paradise with different eyes. 'Being alone' does not have to mean 'being lonely'. Things will never again be the same as they were but you will be able to hold on to those wonderful memories and, in time, move on. You have many talents which you can share so nurture them and when the time is right you will be able to open your arms and heart to accept new people and new ventures into your life.
Thinking of you very often and hoping that each day brings just a little more comfort.
Much love - Alma.

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by mary51 02 Jul 2011

THank you Alma, thank you for these beautiful words. how much time do I need, i know it is different for everyone, my heart aches and I am so sad, angry and confuse. God bless each one of you This is a wonderful site, Thank you Thank you.

Listen to your heart and the right decision that is going to work for you will come. Don't do anything drastic until you go through all your options. Big Hugs.

It is sad when our lives are turned upside and we do not know what to do next. Please give yourself some time before making any decisions. You are in my thoughts. Hugs Sally

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by mary51 02 Jul 2011

THank you!

Mary I keep remembering you in my prayers, and I know that you are going through a very hard time. Please don't make a decision yet about moving back to Florida... Really give yourself some time. I would not make a decision yet, for at least a year or two.

You've been given very good suggestions here. The main thing is finding something to fill your time and some company... How about adopting a puppy to keep you company?

I send you a hug, and remember... some of us are praying for you, and for other cuties that are going through hard times.

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by mary51 02 Jul 2011

Thank you, I have two dogs, a chihuahua and a huge dog i love them very much. Today a feel like taking a plane and leave everything behind, I am so confused. I know I can not make any decision yet, but I feel so lonely, This a a small community 13 houses only, 4 including my have permanent families, two are 100% German, no Enghlish or Spanish, one is German/ Spanish (wife). but since the kids are in school they spend must of their time in the city, and of couse my home. just me, ME only. Thank you for listening to me I need big help.

by shirlener88 07 Jul 2011

maybe a trip - is what you need - you don't have to sell your home - to do that - just come back to it - when you can - but have someone care for your animals while you are gone.

Mary, volunteering at the library or other civic centers can eventually lead to a paid position to ease any financial stress. But, staying active and your mind busy doing things you enjoy is so important to staying afloat emotionally after such a loss. Focus constantly on what you do have with a thankful heart; do not dwell on what you do not have! You are still young, just OLDER, but, definitely not OLD; so much living to do and new things to explore! It is up to YOU to pull yourself back up from this understandably depressed state. Helping others can give you a feeling of self worth, and help you start "living" again! May the bless you with an uplifted heart and a feeling of knowing you are never truly alone! Set goals and gradually work towards them. A step not taken leads to nowhere! Grab life! Be happy!
Angel

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by mary51 01 Jul 2011

Thank you!

I am so sorry. I understand how difficult it is right now. But I think you have a good plan to volunteer at the new library. Are there any other places you can volunteer or maybe tutor kids?

Oh Mary - I was so sad to read this. It is still very early days and the shock of loosing your DH so suddenly must have been very traumatic for you. I think that you should give your retirement home a good chance and stay there for at least six months before you make a more serious decision. Hugs and love coming across the seas from South Africa. Sarah.

I agree with jrob - take some time - do some things to change the routine - so that you are not so lonely - you will get through this - it is still so new and very early - no big changes - just little ones.

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Mary, since you have pretty much ruled out Miami due to financial reasons, give your paradise home a few months and see where you are then. Do you have a church family? Are there women around you that want to learn embroidery? Start a group. Put up fliers in a local market and see if you get any interest. Maybe there are others there who would need a Tudor? Try to change your thinking about where you are. You were happy there before and you can be again....just take some time to finish grieving. I care...post here again.;)

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by mary51 30 Jun 2011

Thank you! Yhis is a very small town, but sonn there is going to be a brand new Library, I am planing to go and offer my help.

by crafter2243 30 Jun 2011

Jerrily is right and had some good advise. If your husband called it paradise it must be a beautiful place and some time in the future you may enjoy it again. You need time for healing.