I feel so very blessed. I still have both of my parents, aged 85, and they are relatively healthy. My mom has the earliest signs of Alzheimer's and is on meds to help delay the memory loss. I call her nearly every day, and always tell her I love her. Is there anything else I'm going to wish I had done? My dad has said it is too stressful for us to visit them, and I can't afford to stay in a room close by. I just want to make her final years happy. Thanks for your ideas and support.

You are blessed and whatever you do is OK and whatever you don't do is also OK. I hold onto to the idea that love doesn't go away ever, like all energy. Enjoy your time with her. christine

Jan,
As we age, we seem to get set into a routine, and change is harder to accept. Perhaps your dad may be overwhelmed with your mom's illness, feels total responsibility for her care, and to cope, is pushing friends and family away. He probably has little strength to care for himself, nor to be caretaker of someone else, even one he loves so dearly. That, in itself, is enough to give him a feeling of helplessness. A visit from you alone would probably be most welcomed by him. I know you live so far away that a trip is difficult. Is there someone in your parents area that could check on them regularly as to their health, food, domestic needs, etc.? That could give you some peace of mind.
Usually early Alzheimers affects short term memory first; long term much later. My neighbor, whom I sat with occasionally and took to kidney dialysis had early Alzheimers. He could not remember we had eaten lunch an hour earlier, but could tell me every detail of childhood happenings. Encourage your mom's recollections! I bet she will surprize you with what she recalls! Do tell her at every opportunity that you love her! When my mother passed in 1985, it gave me such comfort to know she knew the depth of my love, as I had conveyed it regularly throughout the years.
Just do the best you can, Jan, under your circumstances, keeping abreast of their situation. Pray, and let God take care of the rest. You are a wonderful daughter, and they feel it!
Hugs,
Angel

As Shirlene said, get her to tell you stories about her youth, and growing up. I went through this with my dear mother, and she did not know any of us kids the final years. She also quit communicting, so she did not talk to us. There is so much we wish that we had asked, and learned from her. Record her telling the stories. It is upsetting to an Alzheimer's patient when their routine is upset. My daddy was caregive for my mother, and praomised he would never leave her. He held true to his promise until the day before he died. He was taken in ambulance to the hospital, and mother was taken in anothr ambulance to the nursing home. She lived 9 months later, and the last we know she ever spoke was calling for my daddy after he died. Bless you in the times you have with your parents. I still miss mine tremendously. They were both nearly 97 when they died, 9 months apart.

2 comments

by pennifold 25 Jan 2012

What a wonderful life they must have had. I wish my Dad was still alive mainly for Mum's sake. She said it is lonely in the house without him, even though he couldn't communicate much with her. Love Chris

by dlonnahawkins 26 Jan 2012

I know that it most likely is loney in the home for your mom - but you are so lucky that you are close to her, and can be with her. I married, and we moved to Florida which was a long way from my folks. In their later years, I tried very hard to see them twice a year. In February, and the later part of October, but it was expensive, and I had to go alone most times. Daddy would never let me do much for my mom, as he said that was his job. I would clean his house after he went to bed at night, and get things done that I know was hard for him. There were 6 of us kids, and only 2 of us would he allow to do much at the home. LOL My older sister, and me. He always wanted his indenpendence, and drove up until he died. Bless you and your family, and the closeness that we all see.

I'd camp out anyway which I did when I took care of my mother. It was either the sleeper sofa/couch or the air bed. Take notes of what you ask her. Find out why your dad says it's too stressful for you to visit. If it's just you visiting, your her daughter and it shouldn't matter. If it's you and your family it may very well be too confusing for too many to be around her. Prayers for you and your parents.

Jan, the biggest thing that you can do - for you and for her - is record stories - the ones she remembers now - or take notes of your converstations - ask questions about her early life - she is more likely going to remember it more than anything recent - but keep going - don't overwhelm her in one day - but with each call - ask about another year in her life - they love talking about family - if they remember - ask her about a picture - that you can't recall who is in it - try whatever you can to keep her brain working - in a direction that will also help you - with your family history - ask dates or who so-in-so's maiden name is - that sort of thing - if you don't do it now - you will regret that you didn't. Always make sure you leave her happy and with a smile on her face - have your Dad take pictures - it is so good to see the progress of her health - so you know - if you need to travel and be with her.

Jan, If this was my Mom I would find a way to go see her. I would explain to my Dad that I need to see my Mom while she still recognizes me. Maybe if you went by yourself it wouldn't be so stressful for them. If not, just calling her everyday and saying "I love you Mom" is all you can do and you'll need to be at peace with that. Hugs and prayers to you and your family. Carol