Wednesday I had my weekly blood work done and it was bad so Thursday morning I went to the hospital for 6 hours, I got 1 bag of platelets and 2 bags of blood. It was a tough day though she used my new port to do it and that went smoothly, hubby and I had a mild breakdown while we were there. Neither of us is ready for me to go yet. Maybe God is using this as a way for hubby and I to get closer and realize just how much we do need each other. At lease I hope that is what this is and we will get another chance to have a marriage that is better than it was.

As I read your post, I am reminded of the delicate nature of each of us. The chemo is hard on your body and mind, but it kills those cancer cells. Next Friday, my sister and I will go to her dr for a visit and then chemo. She had breast cancer in 1985 and then it came back about 4 years ago in her bones. She is a fighter and I can only hold very high esteem for each and everyone that goes through the testing and verdict of cancer.
Use the times that you are hooked to the equipment through your port, to talk about all the good times that you and hubby have shared. Laugh at all the seemingly impossible things that you'll have done. Sometime God has to put us on our backs for us to slowdown and listen to Him.
My prayers are with you and your family as you go through this trial.

2 comments

by leenova54 02 Mar 2012

Best wishes and prayers for your sister. I have to tell you, she will need you, cancer in the bones is very painful! It hurts worse when you have to lay on a spot where there is a lesion. I have them in the ribs and spine too so it is hard to find a way to lay. She will need the stronger drugs that most people don't want to use. I will PM you.

by haleymax 03 Mar 2012

As I saw in your newer post on the location of the lesions, a thought came flying by my brain. Do you have an egg-crate(foam used in hospitals for bedridden patients, helps prevent bedsores)on your bed. My sister has found this helpful. Sometime use an inflatable pool float(blown up about 3/4 full) when you have to travel. It gives a little more cushion. Do not use the round swim floats(like donuts, they can put too much pressure on other places.

i just cant imagine how you feel you are one gutsy lady....soozie

1 comment

by leenova54 02 Mar 2012

Mostly I am just stubborn and mean, lol. Everyone says I am so strong but I have my days when I just want to be left alone so I can cry.

I am away for five weeks, so I wanted to send you loads of love to know we cuties are with you even if we can not post...
Hugs Pam.

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by leenova54 02 Mar 2012

Thank you, hope you have a wonderful time while you are gone!!

Thank you, I just want some answers about if it is slowing or growing. Fingers crossed!

Hope your chemo and appointment go well, tomorrow.

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by leenova54 29 Feb 2012

Thank you, ended up posting a new one myself instead of an a comment, too late for me I guess. One in the morning, hubby asleep in the chair, guess I should go to bed.

Debra I am so possitive about your sickness. So glad that you and Hubby get so close to each other. Remember after all these years he is still on your side and this means something. Will keep you in my prayers. Hugs Marie

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by leenova54 28 Feb 2012

Thank you, hubby is worried sick about me and we will fight together to keep me here longer.
Hugs, Debra

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. May our Lord bless you and get you well. You are truely a fighter! Just hang in there and with the help from above and your Dr's you will improve and that old nasty disease will lay dormant for many many more yrs. None of us know what will happen from one day to the next. We just have to take as much care as possible and believe in the Lord! Hugs, prayers and well wishes, Linda

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by leenova54 28 Feb 2012

Thank you Linda, I plan to fight this till the end. I get the results of my last scan tomorrow, I'd like to hear it stopped but I can feel it has gotten worse. Hugs!

Debra My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are so brave and so is your hubby. God bless you both.
Alice.

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by leenova54 27 Feb 2012

Thanks Alice, we are trying to be brave but it is hard, we hold hands and wipe our eyes a lot these days. Up till now I wasn't even sure he ever actually loved me. I was 2 months pregnant with our first son when we got married and he did not want to!
Hugs, Debra

by bowlds 28 Feb 2012

Debra, that is such a burden for you to have carried all these years. That makes me sad that it took this to see his love.
Hugs...

by fannyfurkin 28 Feb 2012

I think he loved you all along, men are funny creatures, sometimes they struggle to show their feelings.

by fannyfurkin 28 Feb 2012

BTW Debra, being brave is about dealing with stuff that is hard. That is what makes it brave.

by bowlds 28 Feb 2012

I'm sure he did love her all along, just so sad that Debra didn't think he did.

by leenova54 02 Mar 2012

Thank you so much. Yes, I was looking back instead of forward when we got married so I never noticed he loved me.

God Bless you both for your courage.
You are in my Prayers.

3 comments

by leenova54 27 Feb 2012

Oh, thank you so much but it is more stubbornness than courage. I refuse to let go, I am not ready to leave the love I have finally found between my hubby and I. I feel more loved now than I have in 35 years of our marriage! I like this new love! We hold hands like teenagers!

by leenova54 27 Feb 2012

We hold hands like teenagers!

by bowlds 27 Feb 2012

Don't forget that feeling after you get well! I hope everyone reading this applies it to their own life also. You don't need to get sick to realize what people mean to you.

Precious Debra, "With God all things ARE possible." Bill and I have been greatly blessed with two more years and still counting. I still have enough vision left to see his precious face. He is still strong enough to read the Bible with me each day. That has brought us so close, along with praying together. May God hold you both in the palm of His hand, right next to His heart. Sending much love.~ Marjorie

1 comment

by leenova54 26 Feb 2012

Thank you so much, I am sure there are many women out there wishing they had someone to share their time with like you and I do.
Hugs, Debra

My prayers ans best wishes with you, Debra. Be strong, thin k positive and trust in God.You'll be good.

Hugs, Starlet

1 comment

by leenova54 26 Feb 2012

Thank you so much, I long to be healthy once again! I'd love for hubby to ask me if I want to do anything today and me to be able to say I feel great, let's go.
Hugs, Debra

Also had platelets and blood last week. Finishing up on wednesday with this lot. One week break, then back to five days a week for 20 days of treatment. It is getting better, and tumours are shrinking. So, I know just how tugh this is on both of you, and especially how strong you must be to go through this. May God bless you with better health and heal you by His wisdom. May you and hubby have a good life together in future and filled with happiness and love. Lovies, and all the best.****hugs and kisses and lots of roses to you. I pray for you and your DH.

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by leenova54 26 Feb 2012

My heart goes out to you and I am thrilled to hear that your tumors are shrinking! That would be the best news I could hope to hear. Bless you and I will be thinking of you as I do my chemo Wed-Fri this week. How hard it must be to do it 5 days a week for 20 days of treatment. That must take such a tole on your body. Please get well soon! Hugs, Deb

All of our special thoughts are with you....Big hugs, and prayers for you.

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by leenova54 26 Feb 2012

Thank you, we all need to know someone is there with us.

Praying for you and your dear hubby, and asking God to wrap you both in His loving arms, to cradle you gently and give you His peace. God Bless you both! Hugs across the optic fibers;>) xoxo

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by leenova54 26 Feb 2012

Thank you so much. We need all we can get, I want more time to get to know my hubby like I have never known him before.

Big hug and love from Az

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by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

Thank you, hugs help, especially when they come from warm places, lol.

Congratulations on your 26,000 flowers

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by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

Wow, haven't even been watching my flowers. Thanks!

Debra, I'm so sorry you had a rough day. Hold each other tight and share all the things you can. May God hold you both in His arms and help you through this journey in your lives. I can't imagine what you all are going through, but we know God is in control and will be beside you each step of the way. I will be praying always for you both. Hugs, Judy

1 comment

by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

We hold hands and cry a little and pray we have more time. Thanks.

Oh Debra this just makes me cry reading this BUT GOD is good and it is all in his hands but what is important is to know him .
I am sure this will bring you closer to each other .May God be with you Love'hugs and prayers Carolyn

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by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

Thank you, I keep waiting for my miracle to happen. I want at least remission.

Oh dear just read this now (the kids have school-holidays). I had in mind that you got your next chemo-block. Was this the reason for the problem with your blood?
Hope you can rest and relax in the sun (we had warm sunshine here today, could go outside without a coat for the first time this year).
Hugs to you, Bettina

4 comments

by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

We have cold and snow right now. The thing I got for chemo is just like a plug so they can stick the needle in it to give me chemo or blood or stuff for scans. My blood just keeps losing iron and stuff, makes me tired so I just sleep a lot.

by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

We have cold and snow right now. The thing I got for chemo is just like a plug so they can stick the needle in it to give me chemo or blood or stuff for scans. My blood just keeps losing iron and stuff, makes me tired so I just sleep a lot.

by ansalu 27 Feb 2012

I wish I could send you some sun :o)
Take your naps and let your family pamper you. Hope the winter is over soon in Ohio.
Hugs my dear, Bettina

by leenova54 27 Feb 2012

Thanks Bettina, Winter is suppose to be over in about 4 more weeks but it will be several more than that before I can sit comfortably outside.

Oh, Deb your love for each other inspires me. I know how positive that you try to be, but sometimes you just have to let go and cry. My prayers at that they will turn to tears of joy.

1 comment

by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

They are, tears of love and joy.

My dear Debra. I am so sorry that you had to go through more trauma. Of course you need each other at this time. May you both get strength to get through this. My love to you both. Sarah.

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by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

Thank you Sarah, we are finding we have more strength than we thought we did.

My dear Debbie, I do pray that everything will improve. Sickness has a way of bringing out either the best or worst in us. I pray that that little episode has strengthened your love for one another. I am praying daily for you and I know God hears our prayers. These quotes below are some of my favourites. So live life to the full and love every moment of what has been provided. Love Chris

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by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

Thanks Chris, those are beautiful words to live by.

Love and hugs for you and your hubby, dear Debra! Lidia

1 images:[1]

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by leenova54 25 Feb 2012

Thank you, I am getting hugs from people I don't even know.

This chemo therapy is tough and the whole situation
is hard to take in the reality of it all. Treasure your moments and thank God for every breath. Sending
hugs of comfort your way and hubby too.
Linda

1 comment

by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you, I guess I just have to keep going forward one step at a time.

It's a lot to take in all at once;breaking down is only natural and you do need to release some of the stress,both of you. Hard to be totally ready for this-takes time and faith that things will get easier as we absorb what is happening...Prayers for you both.

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank, I guess we do need it now and then.

Debra, you are in my thoughts everyday, especially on days like this. Huge hugs Sally

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you so much!

Dear Debra, thinking and praying for you. Hugs, Mary

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you Mary, we will struggle along.

Dear Debra,
I think of you so often, and pray God give you strengh to go trought all this. God bless you and your husband. With love, Yoriko

1 comment

by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank Yoriko, we are doing all we can.

Oh Debra thinking about both of you. I cannot begin to imagine what you are both going through

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you, we are trying, for whatever time we are given together.

Sorry that you are going throught this. Do what you said this is a way for the two of you to get closer. Big hugs DeVon

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thanks DeVon, we are using this to find love we didn't know we had.

Debra, so glad you went in for the blood work and that they knew what to do next - to give you a bag of platelets and 2 bags of blood. Treasure the times when the two of you break down and get closer - I know that is more what you want than you don't - it might be hard to deal with the emotions - because they are strange - the more it happens the easier it will be - to be closer and share the love that you have - you need to get stronger for the trip to the beach. So get working on that - the both of you. You go girl.

2 comments

by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thanks Shirlene, I long for warm days to sit on the patio if nothing else.

by shirlener88 24 Feb 2012

Oh - that sounds wonderful.

Debra you are a very strong woman, God bless you and your DH.

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you, I am trying so hard.

Good to hear that the new port worked well....
You must really be exhausted, to be that low on essential blood.
All of us are pulling for better times for you and your husband. Thank you for keeping us posted. Take Care.

1 comment

by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you all for caring.

It must have been just one of those off days for the both of you. Keep hanging strong. These are just the baby steps to getting better. Hugs being sent and prayers being said.

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

We have had a few lately!

You hang in there! It's alright to have a mild breakdown after all you've been through.Sounds like hubby loves you and just hates to see you go through all the treatments. Hang on to him. The Good Lord is on your side. You're still on my prayer list.
Meri

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you, we are closer now than we have been in 35 years.

Debra, you keep the faith. This blood treatment did wonders for my Dad and he was brought back on several occasions to share more time with us, much longer than we ever anticipated. We'll keep up the prayers, you and yours try to keep the faith.

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you, I am trying.

I hope so too Debra. Your story is important and I am doing my best to get with my man. Thank you for reminding us what is important. I am not ready and I am sad that your appointment was stressful. Blessings to both of you! christine

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Maybe I am meant to just show others to hold on to what they have.

Oh Debra, what can I say, what do you want to hear, I don't know. All I do know is we are all human and God is in charge, so hang in there and keep the faith, (((HUGS S*)))

1 comment

by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thanks, I am trying to hang on to each precious moment.

You are allowed to break down. This is a big battle to fight. We are all praying for you and hubby. Big hug to you both... Suzanne

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by leenova54 24 Feb 2012

Thank you, it is hard for him to see me break down and hard for me to see him break down. We just want more time without this hanging over our heads so we can enjoy things again.