I am wrestling with a problem, and would like feedback here. I do a lot of work with the local senior center to help them out, since I think they are a great part of our community. I am also a part of their sewing/quilting club. The club members put together a quilt top, which was to be quilted, and then raffled off as a huge fund raiser. They had a long arm quilter ready to go and the whole bit. But at the last minute, she changed her mind and now doesn't want to do the work, for what ever reason. The board has since asked me to do a combination of quilting and embroidery on this quilt for the raffle. I did some samples and they are not happy with my work, so asked that I change my style completely. I've put hours and hours of work in to this trying to come up with something that passes muster; no luck. I do my own thing, and it works for me. I'm really afraid of messing this up and having the whole community upset with me about the outcome, since I'm being asked to do something that I don't know how to do. Should I try anyway, just to get it done, or should I "resign" this job and ask that they find someone else to do it? This job isn't a paying one, but pay isn't why I was doing it. What would YOU do? Thanks for your feedback!!

I don't think it's a question of having to say 'No'

I would simply say that I don't do that kind of work/style, so they need to find another vounteer that does.

After all, it's like asking someone that paints landscapes to now paint portraits.

How can they expect that of you.
I hope you have been able to sort it out now & go back to a less stressful situation.

Great advice has already been given,go with what your heart tells you to do,

Elaborate embroidery plus quilting is more than should be asked of you for free. They sound like people that don't do embroidery at all or they would not even consider asking that of you. They don't have a clue what is involved.

I love Alma's response. If you do the project and they are not pleased you will 'forever' regret ever getting involved. The fact that you are stressing over it means you should walk away from this one and politely tell them why and maybe thank them for offering you the opportunity so you can remain friendly. You are going to feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders as soon as you decline. For people like us that have trouble saying no it is a terrible position to be in. In the last couple of years I have forced myself to say no a few times. It was difficult but after I did it I was truly amazed at how great I felt.

I am so sorry they have turned this project into a dreaded one for you. Say no and you can get back to the 'fun, fun, fun' of embroidery on your own terms.

Marcelle

I have to agree with the other answers you've been given. I'm thinking the lady that backed out knew what she was doing by doing so. * for U

Alma's already given you wonderful advice. Definately do not do the project. You can tell them no (amazing how hard it is to say that two letter work - yet it's usually the first word we learn to say!).

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by justonlyme 10 May 2012

Your words are so true. I had to share that with my husband!! Thank you!

Maybe the long arm quilter already experienced what you are! For sure, we all seem to agree that they have a "picture" in mind and we doubt if anyone could manufacture the perfect match to their idea. And if you don't play the banjo or do portrait painting or know how to re-roof the house.....that's life. Our individual likes and abilities are so varied...Thank goodness! Keep doing good things for others that you know in your gut are right! (Just because my husband bought hairclippers so that I could give him a haircut, didn't mean that I knew how!) When things are out of our realm and we've tried it's time to move over and onward and upward.

I would tell them that you understand that they are not totally happy with your work. That you've spent a lot of time trying to come up with something better, but you are just not experienced enough to do what they want. And as a result, you feel that they need to find someone else to do this work and perhaps you can help them locate a person with more experience.

You are clearly stressing out over this. If you accept doing this project, you will be a nervous wreck the whole time. Even if they say that it is ok for you to do it, I think you need to consider if you really will enjoy working on it after what they have told you. You will be freaking out over every little stitch that is a little off and be losing sleep at night! It is best that you help them move on and find someone else.

I would just be honest with them. I would suggest they get someone that can do what they want, and offer to help out in some way if I could, but I would NOT do this project. Sounds like it is only going to give you grief and it's just not worth it.
M

Let this august committee find someone that fits "their standards" (and I wish them luck) and you just go back to doing your own thing on your own projects. Everyone will sleep better.

Honesty is the best.. Just tell them you are not comfortable enough to do the the job. They should get someone who is more experienced in quilts. Thank them and move on.. Suzanne

Tell them the truth, that what they require is beyond your current abilities and you would rather they get someone with more experience to complete the quilt.
Explain to them that it takes a long time for someone to learn the techniques they require, that your current expertise is that of a beginner and you are not confident you can do the job to their satisfaction.

I have always believed that honesty is always the best policy and they should respect you all the more for being honest with them if you really feel you can't give them what they want.

Hugs n love, Meg

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by joann7657 10 May 2012

good

Over the years I have become very good at saying "no"

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by justonlyme 10 May 2012

How did you do it? Get comfortable with saying "no"?? That is very difficult for me; yet, I find myself frequently stressed beyond words.

I would tell them no. But if you want to make something that you like to make for the raffle do that. It is not fun to make stuff for people who are to critical. They also have no idea of the time cost and effort of some of our projects!!

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by greysewist 10 May 2012

This is a great answer, and I agree with you, totally.

I will do anything for anyone but this is too much. It has taken until I turned 60 to learn to say NO and it is so liberating to speek up for oneself so I would just tell them No Thanks. Hugs Joyce

My answer would be the same as Gerry, ask them to find someone else to do it. Best of all they don't know the effort and time that go into quilting. Best of luck. Hugs Marie

it's always hard to say no, I know. But in this case when it's so hard to please them, and you get frustrated by this yourself, I suggest you ask them to search someone else. It's always easy to comment someones work , but most of these people don't have a clue how much time and work it takes. So even if it's hard to do, ask yourself the question: "is it worth my time, feelings and materials"? That's the question only you can answer. Hugs Gerry

I would rather walk away if I feel uncomfortable - experience taught me that everything I feared will go wrong. Also is it not why the previous lady decided not to do it. It is such a wonderful cause I really hope you can come to an agreement. Good wishes to you from my side :)

Well you can please some of the people some of the time, but you cant please all of the poeple all of the time.I think you do a fantastic job and and I am sure the seniors love you, so dont give that bit up, cos they are pleased. but say no to the quilt cos they are a fussy lot of cant please AT ALL
Hugs Pam.

I have a friend who has a long arm machine & refuses quilt for anyone because she is worried that it won't turn out right. Instead she offers to teach the people how to use her machine. Most of the time they try a small test piece and within minutes they begin to understand its not as easy as it looks. Most people don't realize how much time and effort is involved in making things.

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by justonlyme 10 May 2012

It isn't easy. People who are seasoned professionals make it look easy. You are so very right...as is your friend!!!

Well you came to the right place for feedback. You have been given fantastic response.It is not what you do, so they must find someone else. I would also have declined/resigned.

Hugs Yvonne

Decline with a sweet smile & some of the tactful words others have given you. No need for stress over it. We can't all do everything! And I sorta suspect there won't be anyone that will meet the board's expectations. Sadly,.

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by justonlyme 10 May 2012

You have a very good point there!! Thank you!

The Cuties' answers below is good advice. I too would decline this job. Good luck

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by justonlyme 10 May 2012

I'm trying to construct an appropriate email now. Thank you!

I think we all have to use that little word that is so powerful sometimes, 'NO', it is so difficult to do but sometimes well needed, hugs S*

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

That is a tough word, but I think I'm going to have to use it! Thank you.

I'm a longarm quilter and I would not take the job either. The cuties below have given you great advice and a number of them put it so eloquently. I will have to use their words to decline a few unique quilts too.

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

I appreciate your support. There HAVE been some good and valid answers. Thank you.

Hello, you have had some good advise from our cuties. So I guess by now you have made up your mind to decline the job It's one thing to donate your time/efforts but not worth getting upset & stressed about. Let them sort something else out.

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by justonlyme 10 May 2012

Thank you. I'm going to. I have a terrible time saying no. This will teach me, right??

by shirley124 10 May 2012

It is hard to say no but in this case if it were me I would just have to.

At this point I'd search around for quilting rollers to borrow and have them all finish the quilt by hand. Sounds like they are being unrealistic by asking you do something your not equipped to do.

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by justonlyme 10 May 2012

I hadn't thought of that!! I may just suggest that. Group effort that way. Thank you!

I do believe you have done your part, I would be willing to bet whom ever was going to do it and didn't knew how hard they were to please. I would step back and let them find someone else./Lillian

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

Thank you. I've about decided that is what I'm going to do. Giving is one thing; stress, quite another!!

The pleasure and joy of giving on your part has been taken from you with the expectations and disapproval. I think you will find the project requiring much more time and effort to finish that your becoming very disgruntled and extremely stressed is most likely on the horizon. I, personally, would graciously bow out to avoid massive frustration, and keep my life more calm!
Hugs,
Angel

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

Well put. Thank you. I appreciate the input.

Hmmm..... well, I think you're going to have to come clean with the committee, admit that the arena of quilting they are requesting is outside your realm of expertise, you've tried the technique they are wanting, and practised for many hours trying to perfect it, but just can't do it so it would be better if they found someone else who could do the kind of quilting they want rather than you spoil the project. Let the board know that you are always more than happy and willing to do what you can do best but different people are competent in different techniques and in this case the technique is just something you can't handle.

That's what I'd do, anyway. If you did go ahead and did all that work only to find out that it was not what the board had in mind, the resulting disappointment and embarrassment would be much harder to bear than facing the board in the first place and passing the work over to someone more efficient in the type of work they are wanting.

There's no shame in being truthful about what you can do and what you can't do. Experts exist in all aspects of quilting just as they do in all other areas. If the board is that specific then they must find someone who is an expert in the type of quilting they require.
AlmaG.

11 comments

by justonlyme 09 May 2012

Wow. I think I'll use your response as a foundation for my withdrawal letter. Thank you! You hit the nail on the head here. I had no idea, when I started this, what it was going to turn in to. Thank you!

by vickiannette 09 May 2012

great advice as always Alma. I agree with you

by mops 10 May 2012

Great advice Alma!

by shirley124 10 May 2012

Very well put Alma

by jenne 10 May 2012

This is excellent advice.

by sewfrenzie 10 May 2012

Excellent advice Alma!

by meganne 10 May 2012

I should have read the answers before I wasted my breath (so to speak) hahahahaha!!
Well said Alma. :-)))

by edithfarminer 10 May 2012

I totally agree too

by joann7657 10 May 2012

EXCELLENT RESPONSE!

by cfidl 10 May 2012

Thank you!

by msfancyvip1 10 May 2012

High fine on that response Alma!!!

I would definately resign/decline the job! Sounds like they want an awful lot for nothing. I understand it's a fund raiser, but uiltingis an expensive and time consuming job. These people are stressing you out. It's not worth it. If they want a professional quilting job they should go to a professional and they might have to pay. Decline and relax life is too short. Hugs, Susan

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

Thank you!. I've made up my mind with so much support here. I'm feeling relieved already!

Too many fish in the sea. If they are not satisfied then I would ask them to find someone else. If you try to please them with your work they way they want you will only make yourself miserable and unhappy. Look deep into your heart and do not be afraid to say no.
Cindy B

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

I DO fear saying no, which is why I asked you all. But with the overwhelming vote of "reject this project", I'm gonna do just that!! Thank you!

God loves a cheerful giver! Sounds like that got taken away by tossing load on you. I have been there done that. Is this why the long arm quilter person quit? tooo much expectation? My concern for you is you want to help but the pressure of messing up. Myself under that would back away from it then.

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

I'm not sure, but I believe that the long arm quilter quit because of the pressure and negative feedback. I think I'll do the same. There are several professionals in the area. It may cost them (instead of me). Thank you!

I think I would tell them to find some one else to do the job. I would not like to tackle something I did not know how to go about. I think you have put enough time and effort into this particular project, Best of luck, Shirley

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

Thank you. I'm going to back off this one after everyone's wonderful support!!

I think it it is up for raffle they should let you have free reign to do whatever you choose. Since they are not happy with what you are doing let one of them step up and take on the challenge. I hope there is plenty of time for them to make a decision before it does not get done at all. If they are not happy and you choose to decline the job no one will blame you.
Bev

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

That is what I thought; especially after they approved of my completed projects. Surprise!! There is time to find someone better suited. Thank you!!

When I was first asked, they had me show them examples of my work. Everyone loved that, and thought it adequately reflected each piece. But now that they are doing this project, they don't want me to use my style. Like I told my son, it is like asking an artist to do a technical drawing. They are drawings, but not of the same caliber. Thank you for your input!! I think I'm going to talk to them about declining this job. It is adding too much stress to a very stressful existence.

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by parkermom 09 May 2012

It sort of sounds like you might be dealing with a group that won't be happy with anything unless they map it out exactly. Will it be worth the stress? Or hearing the inevitable grumbling? Sometimes that's the worst!!

I agree if they didn't like your style pass it on, otherwise it will not be a labour of LOVE it will be just a LABOUR!

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by pldc 09 May 2012

& the quilt will reflect that!

by justonlyme 09 May 2012

I have to agree with you wholeheartedly!! Thank you.

What was it they didn't like about your style? Modern? country? Vintage? .....

How did they suggest that you complete it??
Could you combine both your ideas and their suggestions together?

Can you give us more information.... we'd like to answer but not sure of the question and I don't want to talk you out of volunteering since both you and the community will love the project in the end.

Take a DEEP breath and try to explain to us...
HUGS and more HUGS
Linda

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

I do meander or outline quilting, because it gets the job done and lets the piecing speak for itself. They want artsy combined with elaborate embroidery.

by shirley124 09 May 2012

Let them get some one else, if that is the case.

by lindaavolio 09 May 2012

I agree...ask them to find someone else.

You are the only one that knows how much you are willing to put up with. If you don't want to do it anymore you should decline with dignity. Simply tell them that it appears you are not able to do the job as you thought you could or tell them you used up all the extra time you had available. Find out how much it would cost to pay a professional to do it.

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

You have a good point. Thank you.

If this was me...Ok, I gave them some samples of my work and they were not happy and wanted me to do something else. What they are looking for is not what I can do and feel comfortable with. I would politely tell them "I'm sorry but I feel you need to find someone else to do this job to your satisfaction." Hugs..Carol

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by pcteddyb 09 May 2012

I agree.

by justonlyme 09 May 2012

I gave them samples at the beginning. But I guess minds changed over time. I have no explanation, but am feeling pressured and worried. Thank you for your feedback.

I guess if they were not happy with my work I would ask them to try and find someone else to complete the quilt. I think after they ask for your help, it is wrong for them to critize your work. Maybe one of them should try and do it!! hugs, Mary

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

They are all afraid to do it for the same reason I'm getting worried!! I think I'm going to consider resigning! Thank you!

by shirley124 09 May 2012

It is not worth getting yourself all worried over. Yes I agree you really need to consider resigning.

I would not do the job. I would also be asking myself why did the other person declined the job? Look forward to other answers on this

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by justonlyme 09 May 2012

I just found out your answer. The other person quit because they didn't like her ideas. Hmm. I'm seeing a pattern here!!

by asterixsew 10 May 2012

This posting has been very interesting. One wonders if the committee really know what they want. I feel very sorry for whoever gets the unhappy job of trying to finish the work to the standard required by 'the committee' Have fun with your next proje