Two years ago at this time , 11 in the morning, did not know how life could change in seconds, at that time I remember given something to eat to my DH , at 11 at night he was dead, his sudden death left me in a fog very difficult to lift, two long dreadful years, I just ask the Lord that my time in this planet not to be for too long I really want to be with him, I miss him so much, I do not know how I have survived for so long without him, I know I have a grandson, son and daughter, but they do not need me, I want to be with my husband, no. I am not thinking of suicide, my religion does not permit this, i will be condemned for the rest of eternal llife, and will not me able to be with my DH. This last two years have been horrible.

Dear Mary, I personally think that you have been amazing. I know how much you have missed your DH from your postings. You have been so strong. You are wrong - your family do need you , more than you think. Stay strong. Love and hugs Sarah.

I am so sorry for your loss and heartache. I have also lost my only two daughters and sons-in-law at once in a tragic accident, in 1999. My huband has been diagnosed with Alsheimers. He is not doing very well. Every day is a prayer to our dear Lord of thanks for happy memories and courage. I wish you strenghth and courage, love from our Lord and I pray for your spiritual and physical wellbeing. I find myself in embroidering and making lvely things to sell at the craft market. I am also involved in my Church. Lovies and best wishes, Susie, SouthAfrica.

I feel for you. My husband also passed away on 13 May 2003 exactly 10 years ago. He suffered for 3 agonizing months in pain with cancer and I am glad that he is with our Lord as I could not see him suffer so. Now he is happy, without pain and in Heaven and I will see him again some day. Be glad that your DH did not suffer and that he is happy and waiting for you. He would want you to get on with your life and be happy. I know it is difficult but join a church group and help with an outreach or something. I teach sowing at church once a week to people who want to learn and are involved in an outreach for underprivileged people. Maybe you can do hospital visits for people that do not have relatives. Then most of all we are all here for you. A big HUG for you from South Africa.

1 comment

by mary51 18 May 2013

Thank you, I always give thanks to God because his death was very fast, a blood clot took him to the other side, i know he is waiting for me, love in inmortal, I love and miss him very much. Thank you to all of you.

My heart goes out to you. The CE sisters have given you great advice. You are in my prayers. God Bless You.

Thank you all for your kind and wise words, thank you a thousand times, this is the greates site of this world!!!!!!!

Dear Mary. I hope you feel the love, hugs, prayers and comfort we all love to give you. It must be a hard day, and we will be thinking of you. with a very big hug for you.

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I just want to let you know we are here for you....My arms wrap around you in our great internet accsess..wish i could be with you to let you know how much you are loved and needed...Let the GOOD LORD shield you in his loving arms and take refuge there....The more we let satan have control over our lives the more we get down...Like every ones has been saying find a new place to help others....deanna

Mary, I hurt for you tonight reading your words and the kind words of your sisters here on the site. Nobody tells us that grief is a long process - allow at least three years - and that we will never go back to being who we were before because we are changed, both for better and worse! I still miss my dear Charles and it's been 12 years AND I've been married again to a wonderful man - something i neither planned, hoped for, nor expected. Have you found any grief support group - for example at a church, or a group of widows. In a city near me, my neighbor belongs to a "club" of widows where they learn how to handle their money, how to invest, about car insurance, health insurance, etc. She has made wonderful friends in this group and plans to always go to their meetings. Here in our neighborhood, we have two informal groups (you may have to start this). One is ladies single and married of a certain age who go to lunch once a month. The other is all the widows in the neighborhood - about 35 or 40. They call on the new widows and welcome them in (find out from the ambulance team), share phone numbers, check up on each other by phone and in person and are so loving! May you continue to be blessed by sisters and friends as you relearn singleness and redefine your purposes in life.

Yes it is hard, but God didn't say our life would be easy. I also thought I didn't want to go on after I lost 6 family members in one year. The last being my beautiful 2 year old great grand baby. I was down so low I didn't think I would ever get back up. Well after I got home I decided to talk to my hospice family...took a class on 11th hour and now I sit with someone who has nobody to let them know it is ok to go be with God. I know this is not for everyone but find something that lets you give of yourself ... you will soon find out it is better to give then to sit there and think how depressed you are. In fact I just got back from sitting with a 84 year old lady who has not one person in this world...I was there for her tonight and will continue to be there for anyone who is alone.

1 comment

by cfidl 17 May 2013

You are an angel, and I am humbled by your words. Thank you for reminding me to count my blessings, even through the tears.

Well since u are a Christian please lean more on Jesus .He is a friend that stays as close as a brother .Prayers for u hugs carolyn

Hi Mary, I have canceled my comment twice, so I will give you the bottom line. Distraction is the only means I know to get through another day.

Mary I am so sorry that you are feeling down. Anniversaries are always painful reminders. I just pray that you find something that will give you joy. Right now just a great big cyber hug.

I agree that should find people who need you. If you drive volunteering for Meals on Wheels is a great way to help and meet others who may be alone now & in a situation similar to yours. Many hospitals need rockers to hold the poor babies that have been born addicted. Most take donations of mortality clothing or blankets for stillborn babies, something with a nice embroidery on it...angel wings or a simple heart. Some people make small envelope/pouches that say "in God's hands" for baby's too small for clothing. Vets need volunteers to walk dogs or feed orphan animals. So many need help, there must be something out there that meant something to your husband that you could continue in his honor. After my dearest grandmother passed I asked what could I do that would make her proud...what would have made her smile if she was still here. I hope you can find something to lift you up :-)

dear Mary, God is there for you to lean on, he will give you strength each & every day! Your life is what you make it, so make it. Just because your family doesn't need you(which is the way you raised them to be & thats a good thing) doesn't mean that there are not others who do NEED YOU! Go out there in your community & VOLUNTEER! every community needs them in all different areas find out what your community needs & where you can help & HELP OTHERS, you will get back so very much from this. Nothinng makes your problems smaller then helping others with theirs! You have to remember that you have raised your family & have so much to offer you are a valuable person & they need you! Hugs & Prayers Loralye

Death can come and throw our whole life of course so it seems. However; if it was not for the Lord wanting you here. Your story could have been written differently. Cherish and hold onto the memories of your husband. You will grow stronger day by day. How long someone's in pain can very but when it all adds up you are a survivor. From every trial and test that we go through there is someone Else's life whom we can impact. You have been chosen to be a light for someone else who will one day walk that same road. May God continue to hold you up on every leaning side. Much L*VE to you!

I am so sorry for your loss and your current struggles. Perhaps there is still something for you to learn or do here or a life that really needs your touch. I do know the crushing pain you must be feeling and my heart aches for you. Try to find the reason(s) you are still here with us and fulfill your mission the best that you can. I am sure you will see your DH again -- soon.
Patience can be the hardest lesson we have to learn.
A flower for you and Hugs!

Dear Mary,
I can feel your sorrow and pain, but know that God has a plan for you. We don't always understand His Will so we just have to trust in Him.

You might want to talk with your family doctor about your 'fog'. Perhaps your physician can help. I felt the same way after my Mom passed, and I walked around in a 'fog' for at least 6 mos. before I finally spoke with my doctor. She understood and told me how the grieving process is so hard on us. She gave me a mild mood uplifter that I only needed to take for a couple of months, before I could get on with my life. I know my Mom would have wanted that, just like your DH would want you to love your life even though he isn't here to share it with you.

Many hugs and God's blessings to you for support. Keep talking with your Cute friends, talk with your family, and if you can, try talking with your doctor about it. We all love you and will support you.
Hugs
Marion

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So sorry you are still feeling your loss so deeply. Lean on the Lord.
Are you sure your children and grandchildern don't 'Need' you? Or are they concerned about bothering you. Maybe you should have a conversation with them. I have no doubt they care about you.

Oh Mary I know exactly how you feel, I lost my DH 7 years ago January he was 62 and it still hurts. It has gotten a bit easier but I still don't like to go out especially for family get-togethers or holidays.

I send you a BIG HUG !