I need help!!!! My son is getting married at the end of this year, should my dead husband be included in the invitation? the mother of the bride send me an example it says blank and blank are inviting you to the wedding of our daughter blank and blank (my son) son of (my name) and what about my DH he still is his father I am very confuse with all this protocol!!!

Just by reading your initial Post, I got the feeling she was giving you permission to fill in the blanks as you saw fit and to amend it...as you said it was an example and very curtious of her to send the example out to make corrections as needed before they were ordered...I don't think she meant to be offensive in any way..rather by your posting she was just as unsure as yourself on the delicate topic....Just my view and I am glad you put your late hubby on the invitation as a tribute to your family...deanna

UPdate!!!! After many e mails and ideas I gave.... the mother of the bride will be adding my DH's name with a small cross. She said did not know how to add his name and did not look BAD???? I do not get that part how adding a name of a wonderful person is going to look BAD? I know I am not paying for this wedding but they should have some consideration for the groom's family. I was even considering not to go to this wedding if my husband was not going to be mention, my son was not born out of the thin air. Thank you for your ideas and links

4 comments

by pldc 15 Jul 2013

perfect!

by AuntAnnie 15 Jul 2013

I'm very happy for you that the bride's family was able to see past formal etiquette.

by mary51 15 Jul 2013

Thank you!

by dennis999 15 Jul 2013

I am delighted for you Mary that your wishes have been met. It should not be a question of who is paying for the wedding but more about the right thing to do for the two families, including your late dear husband and father of your son. I doubt that there would be any additional costs associated with 'doing the right thing for you' anyway. Good girl for sticking to your guns. Your dear Hubby will be proud of you.

You can include him if you wish. Just put your name and put the (late husbands) name in one of the blanks. so it will be for example
Mrs Mary blank and the late Mr blank. I have seen this many times before. Hope this helps Suzanne

1 comment

by mary51 13 Jul 2013

Thank you!!!!

Hello Mary - this is one of these difficult things. Some people would say yes and others no. YOU must do what you and your family feel comfortable with. Knowing you over the years and remembering when your DH died, I think he should be included on the invitation. Hugs Sarah.

1 comment

by mary51 13 Jul 2013

Thank you, I am in one of those down days.

If he is the father of your son , yes, address as The Last Mr.----names and if you divorce he would be on a the line above yours. THe if your husband is this is a stepfather to your son and he care for the stepfather then add The Late Mr Name & (mother) Mrs Your name. However if there no love /care between stepfather and son his name would not be include.

2 comments

by bashields 12 Jul 2013

If you love him deeply add his name

by mary51 12 Jul 2013

He is his father, and he was an excellent father and a very loving husband, yes I still love him very much

Thank you for all our advices. I just feel is not right not to mentioned his name, like he did not exist? He still here I feel married not single....

I would do what you, your son and his future wife are comfortable with -- ignore any rules that are contrary to your beliefs about life after death. You are -- after-all -- inviting many people who already know you and your son.
There are some very nice ways to include your husbands name in the invitation. There are many examples online and the shop doing the invitations should be able to help with this. Because of your love for him, and his recent passing, I would include his name. It does not bring sadness to a wedding. Instead it prevents people, who may not know he has passed, from asking about him during the wedding/reception. It also lets them know he is still loved and greatly missed.
Hugs!

Although is seems that most of us agree, including myself, that mentioning the father as the late Mr. Mary51, according to at least one etiquette wedding website, only the surviving parent's name is included in the invitation. It suggests the deceased's name be mentioned in the newspaper announcement and a prayer in the church service to keep the wedding ceremony a joyous occasion rather than reflective on the deceased parent.

I agree with the recommendations already made. In my book it is appropriate protocol to celebrate the relationships of your late Husband and yourself and it therefore follows that the relationship between your Son and his Mother and late Father should be made clear. After all is said and done, I would like to believe (as I am sure you do) that your late dear Husband will be with you all in Spirit to support you and to celebrate his Son's marriage.

I too would add his name, he may be gone, but he is not forgotten, right?

1 comment

by mary51 11 Jul 2013

Thank you, I think that just my name is not right, I am a widow NOT single or married, many papers now do not give that option why? I feel married I am not a single mom.

Hi Mary I know nothing about 'protocol' but to my mind there is nothing wrong with adding xxxxxx son of mary51 and the late Mr Mary 51. Both our daughters were well and truly adult when they got married, arranged their weddings themselves with what they wanted and we just attended their great days. Have fun and enjoy the day when it comes

1 comment

by mary51 11 Jul 2013

Thank you, I did the dame, my DH and I paid and arranged everything.