OK---CHRISTmas---help----I put together extensive binders of pages of puzzles, mazes, pics to color, songs, and other things for each holiday---I go to craft stores and find wooden things to paint, foam activities to complete, candies and goodies related to the holiday----I pack it in boxes and send it to grandkids who are 500 miles away---I get NO RESPONSE---we got it, thank you, we don't like it, don't bother to do it again----NOTHING----I put together an Advent calendar with a specific animal theme and make 25 DIFFERENT styles of the same animal on 25 DIFFERENT felt pages--NO RESPONSE not even a thank you or I got it or it is ugly and I hate it--I make a personalized CHRISTmas "card" for each---I send them all 500 miles----I ask to please let me know if you get it----NOTHING----QUESTION from other grandparents AND grandkids who have been through it----DO I CONTINUE TO SEND STUFF--I get no thank yous even from the parents---is it worth it to send the stuff or even bother any more---do the grandkids REALLY appreciate it---down the road will they say thank you for sending the stuff that YOU made---it meant a lot to us even though we never said thank you----

So sorry to hear that your deed of love goes unanswered. Donate it to a worthy cause and feel good about the joy it will bring those in need.

I feel for you. I'm in a similar situation, both for Christmas and birthdays. No response or acknowledgement and nothing sent to me. My mom cancelled her landline phone, so I can't even talk with her. Only person with Iternet is my sister, but 99% of the messages I send to her don't get answered. This year has been the hardest with moving, etc., but the highlight of the year was getting to spend 4 weeks in Colorado with Christine! She planned a birthday party and surprised me with several gifts and birthday cards from some of the Cuties.
For me the best has been to focus my attention on what truely matters and it sounds like you have a lot of friends and adopted grandkids who I am sure would love anything give them!
Christie in Germany

These are sad, rude times we are living in. I have quit sending graduation gifts to the kids I haven't seen in years & years! As for my grands: the ages usually dictate what I get. As my 2 older one (16 & 13) wouldn't tell me "no, don't make anything" I could tell they really didn't want it. So I stopped sewing for them. They do ask if I can do embroidery on things, which I do. (usually monograms) So gift cards or cash with a small special gift. The babies are easy! I have to admit they are not the best about thanking you...but I do usually get a call. I think I would discuss with their parents that I spend a lot of time on my gifts, but think the kids have outgrown their desire for these types of gift. I will be sending each a check for the amount I'd spend on supplies. I'd like to know if they get it or not! Then after a year of events pass, send a card...empty! If asked, just say "Well, since I never heard anything I hated to keep sending things thru the mail that may not be getting there." Be sweet about it all! Then love on those in church that need, & appreciate, your gifts of love.

I just give cash for the grands .I Tell them when they phone to say thanks that i am clueless in this day and age as top what to buy and that makes them laugh and its true.They both got guns yes i know some of you hate them but here it is a way of life .Even i can shoot one so look out lol and no glumbling ****Hugs carolyn

How sad that you are spending ages creating unique gifts or your grandchildren and they don't comment. As an aunt I spent ages getting lovely (well I thought they were) presents and then there was no comment at all. I decided that I didn't have to send a gift if they couldn't reply to say thanks. I would ask if the parent is your son or daughter and is it worth having a word with them? I might also suggest not sending something one year and see what happens. Do you see your grandchildren or not? Anyway enough of my questions, it does sound that there are children in your church who would appreciate your efforts. Something said is that we choose our friends with great care but not our families as we have no choice in the matter

12-26-2014 The last time I sent checks to the grandkids, I had to call to see if they received them. Yes, the checks were received, the grandkids were playing with them and lost them so they were not cashed.

Send them a check. They would have to sign it and you would know that they had received it.
This was done and on the memo section of the check was a written "Thank you".

2 comments

by osueo 26 Dec 2014

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God bless you and Merry CHRISTmas:):):)

by Leaha 27 Dec 2014

Be careful doing this idea as the checks can get lost and you'll get a call asking where they are...

Hi, I have read your storiee, and the responses of the other cuties. There is probably not straigth answer to to. What is right or not to do. I maiinly agree that is has a lot to do with education from parent to kids towards grandparents. But even so, the young people seem to be always so busy, and they will call the grandparents later or visit them an other moment,... Untill it is too late..I would stick to a minor gift and card, to let you know that you are there for them. If some of them needs you, they will contact you. And give you other attention to the children of the church who might not have such a nice grandma and are happy with you.

Your situation is very heart breaking, my daughter feels that Grandparents should be always in their lives, hence no time for anything else, but I do not make them anything now unless they ask for it and then I help them make it. Their needs for homemade stuff is not high on the list. donate your things to the church, Merry Christmas and a Happy New year

when I read your story, I only think: sorry for you never get a response. Please let Christmas be a happy celebration for you too, and give it to the children of the church or to children in
orphan houses, or hospitals. I'm sure these children will appreciate and will be very happy with all the gifts you make and send. And that will make you happy too! Hugs, Gerry

Hi O, It seems a constant struggle, and yep life can be. I can empathize with you, and have felt the sting of painful words or silence from people I thought loved and respected me. I have had to let a couple folks go out of my life, however it takes an awful lot to push me away. I understand we are not all alike so I actively work on keeping my grace for others. Certainly family gets more grace than strangers. I think most of the problem is the separation and maybe a "fear of commitment" issue, mostly because they “do not know me” or have not spent time with me.

I have decided not to do anything BIG unless I know the other person knows what all goes into it. I would send smaller gifts and I would call and bug them every time even if I do not get a thank you I do get acknowledged on some level. There are some that will not express gratitude even if they feel it and understand it and appreciate it, because they have been taught it is weakness to or makes them look smaller. I have taught my son by example, and I think that is how most of us learn. so my suggestion to you is be brave and ask for the validation and courtesy you expect, you still may not get it, especially from old stoggy folk. however those are your people and you have the responsibility of teaching your people your values. It is up to them to accept them or not. I say keep sending stuff, call every time to confirm it was received and then let it go. I am sending yet another package and not sure if I will get any validation, however I do know that in the future when they look at their own tapestry of life, they will see me interwoven in the layers, and that is what family is all about. Teach your grand children well... if you know the song by Crosby Stills, Nash and Young. you know the next line, and know the verse comes around again.

I too have experienced what you are going through. I don't put the blame entirely on the grandchildren, think the adult parents should be teaching the children what is proper response when receiving a gift. The major problem in my situation is the parents both work and have more money to spend on their children then the grandparents have to spend on all the grandchildren in the family so thus they don't appreciate anything that doesn't have dollar signs attached to it. The grandchildren are from a totally different generation and they don't appreciate the things we appreciated when we received something from our grandparents. I still have an apron my grandmother made for me back in the 50's. Take it out of it safe place, admire it, wash and iron it and put it back - great memories.

The only time I hear from grandchildren is when it is a special event and they want a gift of money. Just remember that you aren't alone in this situation and there are loads of grandparents in our generation that are experiencing the same treatment and it is sad.

I agree with others, give to those that will appreciate the gift.

Betty

It makes me feel very sad for you and the other cuties who have the problem you do. I think that part of the problem is that they just don't understand the effort you go to. Have you tried ringing to speak with the children themselves about this , to see if maybe the problem is with them or with the parents. My advice would be don't give up on the children if in fact it is the parents who are at fault. Speak with each child and try to gauge who loves receiving your gifts and who doesn't. Ask them to be totally honest. Then next year only send to the ones who appreciate you. At least you know that your effort is not wasted. I am very lucky that all my family love and appreciate the efforts I go too, otherwise I would feel just as you do. I hope you can resolve this for yourself. Again I am so very sorry for you.

I too am in this position, not just at Christmas but birthdays as well, I try to buy something special that is personal to them but no acknowledgement that they even got it... Last year I gave them a gift card each.... I ended up ringing them to see if they got them, yes they got them but still no gee thanks nan I will buy something nice ,.... half way through the year I asked what they bought with the money.... I was told they went to MacDonald's with their friends and bought a round of burgers and chips.... well this year it was hard but I got them nothing, .... I did get a phone call though, to let me know that their gifts had not arrived !!!!!
You should not have to ring and ask for a thankyou, they should do it automatically,
God bless you... be strong, there are people that would appreciate you and what you do.

I know how you feel, I don't have grandchildren, but I have given up on other relatives who do not respond when I send gifts. I'd stick with your adopted family if I were you.

Sorry to hear of your plight, why not write their parents and ask if they have received what you have already sent and if they likes it, after all you don't want to waste your time and your money if the don't appreciate it. Then you will know weather to send any more or not. Your church family will enjoy your generosity even if your related grandkids don't.. Hope it all works out for you.. Marian/Sydney Australia

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this situation. I've been there & totally understand. I cannot tell you what to do, only what I've done. I have stopped sending anything. I never see, nor hear from this family of grandchildren, nor the parents. It was hard to make that decision, but I couldn't keep spending & doing. Now I simply concentrate on their older half-sister whom I'm raising & have actually adopted & the other 6 grandchildren from my other son & daughter. I don't understand the parents & never will. I think the "adopted grandchildren" in your church family sounds like a wonderful idea to express your feelings of sharing your love, especially on the holidays. My prayers are with you & may God bless you.