A friend was just diagnosed with breast cancer. It has not been made public yet. Please, any of you who have gone through this, please tell me what you wish someone had said or done for you when you were diagnosed. I want very much to help her and her husband, not to make things worse for them. Thanks for any advice you can give me.

What a precious friend for asking ways to ease the pain of cancer.

A hug and a prayer! Just be there for her and understand when she does not feel like talking or seeing people. You are a great friend. I pray for her full rececovery.

Yes just recently another good friends had the diagnosis of breast cancer and had a mastectomy...while she had lots of support from family and friends the one thing she has said over and over was that the PRETTY POCKETS I made for her both out of flannel and then tablecloth vinyl ( for the shower) were a God send....Please look up Pretty Pockets online and get the free pattern and make your friend some..also the arm support that is listed on the net too...makes things so much more comfortable for them suffering. I am now making them for the hospital as a donation...this darn cancer we should have had a cure by now!!!! God Bless you and your friend. Pat

just give her a good Hug and be there to help with Transport to Appointments if you can, but the most importend Thing is to listen.I had my OP 25 Years ago ,a lot has changed since Hugs to you both Ursula

Hi, I am a survivor of 16 years any questions you have I would gladly try to answer for you from my experience. I had lumpectomy, chemo therapy and radiation. I then took tamoxifin for 6 years. I am doing great now and cancer free. The best thing you can do for her is just be there when she needs you. Take care

I haven't been where you are asking, but lots of our friends here have and will give you good information. All I can and will do is pray for you in contacting her and pray for her and her cure.
When my dear friend was diagnosed, I told her I was new at this and I needed her to tell me what she needed and not to hold back. I did everything she suggested.

Dear Karen, from all the responses below I can see that just being there is of great help. You will know what to do, love Chris

let her know that you are there for her whenever she needs you. That will go a long way especially if you are. The chemo will make her tired so helping out wherever you can is good too. I have a wonderful friend who came from an hour away just to help me do laundry sounds silly but too me it was amazing! ~hugs & Prayers~

I have had bc twice 1989 & 2001 I read everything and mostly went down the alternative route ...but we all react different..I came out fighting. I believe in the power of the mind so worked hard to stay alive made my own decisions ..I had watched my mother and aunt both die from it...when I look back I wonder where I found the strength to make such decisions..I am so indecisive now.I would have loved a supportive friend, so just be there for her ...Bernadette

Prayers are with your friend! I am sure you will do and say the right things as you always do. HUGS

As a survivor who has spoken to many other BC patients I can only advise you from my own experience that everyone faces it differently and where one person may be able to discuss it openly and welcome the chance to do so, another person may completely withdraw and not want to talk about it at all.
I was the first, my sister is the latter.

One person may want to know absolutely everything and will spend hours researching every skerrick of information, while another person may just want to get it over with and only listen to the information her doctors give.

The very best thing you can do is just be yourself, be there with open ears a ready smile, a helping hand and a ready shoulder if needs be.

The best thing that happened to my was my (now) best friend Polly, (Nonna57), who I hardly knew back then, but who came to visit me at the hospital bearing a huge smile and a REAL cappuccino. She was always so bright and cheerful it was a lovely change from looking at all the worry and concern on my family's faces. Considering the noticeable absence all my bowling friends at visiting time, I can tell you this beautiful lady lifted my spirits more than she will ever know.

And THEN there were all the Angels and cards from all my other Cute sisters, knowing that people cared enough to stitch out and send me an angel.....
knowing all the prayers that were being said for me......
That was the most heart warming and powerful medicine, the most positive incentive to beat it, it truly was amazing.

So, dear Karen, go and see your friend, take a small (NON cancer related) gift, something you might normally take on a visit, (a cake perhaps), give her a hug, if that is what you normally do and let your friend take the lead.
You will soon see which kind of patient she is and whatever you do, stay POSITIVE, and if she starts to falter and let the Devil's negativity in, tell her about your survivor friends here on Cute.

I had terminal cancer and I survived.
It is now six years since my double mastectomy.
Altogether I had 9 surgeries in 14 months, while having six months of Chemotherapy, which was followed by five years on Tamoxifen, because the "life threatening" cancer, (I had three different types), was HR2 positive. Which just means it was caused by the Oestrogen in my own body.
See I am my own worst enemy. LOL!!!

If you need to talk, to ask more questions, to vent, anything at all, please just PM me, I will be there for you and your friend as I am sure all Cuties will be.
I will pray for your friend and if/when needs be, we will organise an FSL Angel drive for her.
I hope some of this helps, sending an Angel to watch over your friend and her family and you. Hugs n love, Meg

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I am so very sorry to hear this. You are already helping her by being a good friend. Hugs Sarah

My sister had different cancer, but two early things that helped were:someone who had been through cancer bought her a really cute hat that would cover all the way down the scalp in the back; her doctor directed her to web sites so she could read up on her kind of cancer.

Talk & plan about the future. A good Male friend here in Australia was given 3 months to live, He lost most of his stomach, I asked him what he wanted to do> Answer to go too the USA & visit with army pals (He was American) as I was going to my daughters he asked if I would bring his ashes back to Australia if he didn't make it back, I agreed. he had a stopover in London on the way. He came back, then we made plans to sell one of his houses so he could buy a Mercedes which he did. then he sold his second house & brought a house boat to live on which he did. He was planning another trip to USA as I was going, when he became very week and was to told he could not fly. two weeks later he passed. He had done most of what he wanted & lived 3 years. Make plans for what can be achieved as it keeps the mind & body busy. Never ask if she needs help. I was always told no but when I went around for a cuppa I washed up & continued with the house

So very sad to read your post. I do not have any words of wisdom to pass along. I just know that you must be a very awesome and loving person to lift your friend up to prayer and seek advice to make her journey brighter. Having a friend like you will make all the difference in the world. Praying.

A very dear friend passed a few years ago after going through an aggressive treatment of chemo & radiation. I made her a small lap quilt with an embroidered garden theme and a matching small pillow and a "soft" carrying case for both items that she could take with her for her treatments. The quilt was four 10" squares wide by five 10" squares long. She said it was the "perfect" size for her. I embroidered each square with a different garden pattern for lots of variety. She told me right after she had her first treatment that the blankets at the hospital were not "washed regularly" enough for her tastes & that the "pros" (that was her term for others who had been through the process a long time, or multiple times) always brought their own blankets. She told me she loved the "garden" she could take with her - she said she would focus on the details in it when she had to sit for the hours it took for the treatment. All the advice about staying positive and upbeat and inserting humor when appropriate are really good ones. I wish her (and you as her friend) all the very best.

1 comment

by maggiejwl 07 Jan 2015

Also, her husband told me after she had passed that he loved that she loved her "garden" so much. Their daughter inherited it and says it is one of her best memories of that oh-so-difficult time.

I haven't gone through it but my mother and my best friend both passed away with cancer. Yes as olds said try to keep negative and people who like dramatize things away or to at least a minimum. They were the ones that got on their nerves continually talking about how terrible it is that you have cancer.
I found with my mum and my friend they wanted to be treated as normal as much as possible. Because they weren't out and about they missed the gossip and the silly things you see when you go shopping that if they were there you would both comment on. Like the woman who tried 5 times to park a large car in a space only big enough for a bicycle just because it was close to the entrance of the shopping centre. They loved to have a laugh.
Keep things light and be prepared to listen when she wants to talk or have a cry.

I so hope it was caught early. I had a friend who lost the battle the second time around. God Bless!

Follow Dr's advice.Keep a good additude.Try not to listen to old wives
tales.I have had 2 boughts with breast cancer First in 2003-Did a Mast.and reconstrutive surgery. I didn't have to have Chemo or radiation. That was positivie cancer. stage 1 found with Mammogram In 2013 -found again on a Mammogram stage 1 in the other breast it was negative. The medical team moved fast and I had a lumpectomy.I had to have Chemo and radiation. This time last year I had no hair-So we had an Ice storm Jan 28 . Now we are expecting an Artice freeze in the next couple of days.I made lot of ski type hats out of
Cotton knit and also fleece. I slept in the cotton knit ones. I preferred the hats to a wig which I had. It took about 6 months for the hair come
back. I live in Mobile Al. By my choice I stayed at home away from the
public to avoid germs. Also the day of my first infusion-sitting in a waiting area-another lady and I where waiting -another lady came up
and started telling us how she would never go thru Chemo again.If
your friend can avoid negative people and their bad remarks she'll do better. Medicine has come a long way. God didn't give me anything
that I couldn't handle. I am sorry to have rattled on and on. I have an appt Jan 9 for my 2nd Mammogram. I passed my first July 30.
Keep warm in Florida. olds/Maureen

When I was diagnosed I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, I wanted to feel positive I didn't want to be seen differently I was still me. I had a mastectomy and wasn't at my best when I was having chemo. What I did love was laying in a bath with bath oils not bubbles, the only thing that tasted the same to me was chocolate and cold milk.(what a combination lol). I would recommend that friends leave her alone with her husband when she isn't too good but help her husband with meals for him. That leaves him with time to help her. Surround her with positivity and plans for what you will all do when she is well again. I am sure what ever you do she will know you do it with love