This sure has been the weirdest Christmas I've ever had.

I usually have one year of bought presents for everyone and one year of gifts I have hand made.
This year was supposed to be my hand-made year but I was devastated by my embroidery machine seizing up and wasting months waiting for its return, so nothing got made.

So then I thought I would shop the last week before Christmas and enjoy all the season's festivities and get into the swing of it.

We had planned to spend one Christmas (with my grandchildren) on the 20th by driving up to my son's place and for the first time ever, my younger brother and his new fiance were going to join us. He's never even seen my grandchildren so this was something I was looking forward to sharing with him. (He's never married so has no children and had been disappointed many times when relationships broke down after most women developed jealousies because their children loved him and he doted on them (probably more than he did on them)) LOL!!!

Anyway, our second Christmas was to be (24th) when Ray's Son and Daughter brought his grandchildren over to our home to get their presents from under our tree. Usually a very brief visit as not all is Rosy between them and their Dad's (unapproved of, second wife to be) partner.

Our third Christmas was to be with my Sister and her family on Christmas day.

All this was before someone decided to throw a spanner into the works and turn our world upside down with just three words 'malignant breast cancer'.

So instead of buying turkey n pork n vegetables and presents n gift wrapping n Greeting cards, we spent our money on biopsies, scans n blood tests n some new respectable pj's.

Instead of writing out Greeting cards and wrapping presents n making stuffing n cooking glazed ham n White Christmas, etc, we spent our time going from one doctor's surgery to the next, to the hospital and the Medicare claims office, to the Chemist and back to the hospital.

But all is only, as you allow it to affect you, and despite being dragged unwillingly, away from my family and friends to face the biggest fight of my life, I refused to allow it to spoil our Christmas family time.

So with my available shopping days (between surgeries) shortened to one late shopping night on Thursday the 18th, Ray and I shopped (til i dropped) made one more (pre-operation) visit to the Surgeon, then went and shopped some more until the shops closed and I was so hungry i had to get back home to eat before my midnight fasting deadline. so we ate and while Ray wrapped gifts and labelled them, I cleaned, packed my hospital bag, embroidered an Angel Lena, wrote last minute emails to friends and pigged out on a full punnet of Rich Red fresh Cherries, (Hopefully this would be PayBack for the anaesthetist for giving me such a sore throat during the lumpectomy surgery, ten days earlier. (nyuh hah haaah!!! Dastardly Dudley laugh)

19th December -And so my Christmas gift begins, removal of the Ductal Carcinoma In Situ, which surrounded the 'invasive Grade 3 tumour', (removed 10 days earlier) removal of my underarm lymph nodes, removal of all my breast tissue and the leaky silicone implants (i had foolishly had done 30 years ago).

Then repeat the procedure on the second side, and if possible try and save my nipples on both breasts. Then the plastic surgeon will take over and try and re-shape my empty sacs of skin and insert expanders ready for later inflation with saline and hopefully (later still) replacement with (self esteem restoring) natural looking breast implants.

All this (supposedly) instantly reduces my chances of breast cancer from its current 120% probability (Oh DUR!) to a tiny 3% chance of re-occurrence.

So I arrive at the hospital (hanging for a cuppa) at 6AM. I leave for the theatre with my very distressed Sister and extremely worried DH trailing behind the surgical team procession, we say our worried good byes and I go under the anaesthetic at 8:20 am.
I'm back in my private room at 2:45 PM attended by my sister and nieces & my 'Ray of Sunshine' all standing around me with such obvious love and concern clearly visible on their faces.

Sore, groggy, hallucinating under the morphine, itching fit to bust as an allergic reaction takes over my senses and succumbing to spasmodic sleep n dream cycles and awake moments. I lay there fighting to regain my senses but longing just to sleep.
There is a numbness in my chest, a heaviness I can't fathom, I'm sore under the arms, my jaw & neck are pain zones I wish I could escape from and my tinnitus is screaming so loudly in my head i think it will drive me insane.
but tomorrow is another day.......