and somehow it got to me really badly. And November 17 is the 2nd anniversary of my husband Bud's death, and I got a letter in the mail today that the bank won't re-negotiate my mortgage. Some days life is really not so good. I can't lose my kids, they're all I've got. I won't go anywhere without them, and with 7 cats and a dog, where would I go? So I can't leave here, I have to find some way to stay. And I don't want to leave a place that I've known since I've been probably 6 years old, that holds the memories of so many people that are now dead. This is the only place I can see my parents, my brother, my aunts and uncles and cousins that are gone. And all my cat children that are buried here from all those years, because this was the only place I could count on as 'permanent'. Surprise surprise, nothing is permanent. And the economy couldn't have picked a worse time to tank, and take my retirement savings with it. Did you know the government guideline for housing cost is that it should be 30% of your income? Um, any of you paying only 30% of your income for housing? I wanted to ask the guy from the bank if I had accidentally wandered into the 70's again, I think that's about the last time the 30% thing happened. If I follow that guideline, I should be paying about $340/mo for a house. Are you rolling on the floor laughing yet? I would find this house in which slum, in which country? Lord, we have a pretty fine slum in Erie, and apartments are more than that there, of course they come with the entertainment value of possibly getting mugged or shot. Guess that's worth something. And, get this: if I could find a roommate who could pay $300-400/mo toward the mortgage, why then they wouldn't re-negotiate because I'd have enough money to pay my loan! Um, did I miss something? Did I take a detour thu the insane asylum? That still wouldn't be any 30% of my income for the mortgage. And this bank is actually a nice bank, a hometown bank, not one of those big corporate things. I wish they'd just say no before they make you fill out dozens of papers and stuff, it would be easier, you wouldn'd have any hope to be dashed. I'm sorry, girls, I'm still going to fight, now with the courthouse to see if I can get the taxes lowered, that would help. We had a re-assessment here a few years ago that put everybody into a tailspin, I don't know how they valued this land, it's not in Las Vegas. Maybe the appraisal company they hired was from there, or Manhattan. Um, this is a 'farm', and more than half of it is real true 'swampland', because it's a creek valley. They're appraising as if I could make this a subdivision and sell off lots at $50,000 each. Well, not unless somebody wants to build another "Fallingwater", hee hee hee. Sigh, I knew the government was crazy, but this is getting rather ridiculous, all of it. For this I have worked since I was 14 years old? Heck, I should have just had an illigitimate baby and gone on welfare, then I'd have an apartment, a car, childcare, food stamps, job training, and in one case I know of personally, a cleaning lady! I messed up, I guess, I thought you were supposed to work and be a responsible person. Oh, moan, groan, gripe. Sorry, but it is rather unfair. I know this isn't as important as people's health and things, but if you could spare a little prayer, I'd appreciate it. Just so God doesn't decide to trade Minou's health for any good he'd do me, I won't make that trade! Sorry, it's just lonesome here, guys. Thanks, love you, Marji