My step dad isn't a very pleasant man...over the past couple of years we have watched him deteriate slowly...My mother would take him him and they told her his diabetes was getting to him...he would gain 40+ lbs of water in his chest cavity..they would have to drain it often...last year he went into a nursing home because he had been diagnosed with a rare infection and only a nursing home could administer and get the medicine required..(this because it was rare)...6 weeks later and after being spiteful and hateful to those people, he was back...his body started slowing down and he started using a cane to walk with...tons of pills and diet were what he has been taking on...meanwhile his attitude became worse...My parents finally sold their home in Condon which is up in the middle of nowhere...literally nowhere..no hospitals, major stores, no doctors, ambulance by life flight only....anyway they moved to a bigger town and closer to my Aunt...My step father was sent to a specialist at OHSU..last Friday he had a visit only to find out it is this awful diease he had and was given 6mo. to 1 year left because of the advancement...He has become verbally agressive towards my Mom...She had to finally leave him for a few hours just to get away....This disease is where the brain attacks the nervous system and the nerve start attacking the muscles...soon everything won't work anymore, limbs cannot move, you cannot speak or do anything for help or get what you want..although the brain is still widely aware of things, nothing else is..The nurse told my Mom he would either drown in his own self or something like that...soon if he still hangs on, they will have to place a feeding tube in his stomach....I WOULD THINK IF I WAS DYING AND IT WAS TO BE LIKE THAT, I WOULD BE NICE TO MY SPOUSE OF 32 Years..knowing they were going to have to help me the rest of my days..
My question to anyone who has beenaround this, is what can I do to help my Mother...She lives 121 miles from me so its not like I can just jump over at any second...I need her to have as much support, but I cannot really be around him for very long..His negativity is so depressing and rude. 32 years is an awful long time to deal with a mean person...Since my Mother retired awhile back, she has never been able to enjoy herself any...I wanted her to have such a wonderful time and its been nothing but a miserable caretaker for her....I am trying to be sympathetic towards him, but there has never been any real heartfelt feelings there...
So I guess I am asking a couple things, what to do
and
Prayers that I find some kind of sympathy and love for him...
Praying is a very good healer for all concerned. Life is too short to be bitter. It hurts all concerned. You just never know what can come from praying. The sad thing is, even after they can no longer function, their mind stays with them. The family asked for no company toward the end so Elsie would not know others were seeing her that way. My prayers go out to you and the family as well as the patient. Lou Gehrig was a major league baseball player from many yrs back. He had it and thus the name was given as Lou Gehrig's disease. Just do what you can for them and pray that his attitude does not get worse. Soon, he will not be able to lash out at anyone and he knows it. It is a horrible disease because they say that the patient knows everything but can not communicate. Prayer and many blessings, Linda
a multitude of deep emotions that he neither likes nor intends to happen. One has to be able to empathize with the person's frustrations and feelings of loss to find sympathy. Love cannot be found where there is none, in regards to yourself, but you need to remember that your
mom has 32 years with this man that undoubtedly includes many memorable moments of loving and caring for each other.
She understands he is not the same person he used to be, now that he has this awful disease, so it does not lessen the love she has for him. Because you love HER, your role
should be to never speak badly of him to her, that would drain her further emotionally, but gently encourage her to
do what is necessary to maintain her health during this difficult period. Realize that she may not be as miserable
in her caretaker role, as you imagine, because she truly loves and cares about him, therefore making allowances for his rudeness and outbursts. She possibly wants to be there for him, as long as she can, and knowing it may not be for long. Within your limitations, assist her towards this goal, and ease her into the acceptance that soon she will have to allow others to give the care he truly needs that she will be unable to give. Support her efforts in a
positive tone, for HER sake, physically, when you can, and always be the "soft" place to land whenever she needs it.
May God bless you all.
Angel
I know there are some mean people in this world, and some very abusive relationships, but I cannot fathom anyone staying in one for 32 years, unless the good times outweighed the bad. Whatever her reasons, she seems to be staying in it to the end, so my advice to you, as her daughter, still stands.
Angel
