122864✽
We visited MIL again today and I am so relieved they have moved her out of that terrible Dementia section into one for residents who haven't quite reached that horrendous stage yet.
They made the decision to do that because she is not physically wandering.
Sadly, when we arrived, in the middle of the day, she was laying in bed and seemed more confused than ever so we got her up and took her out into the TV lounge where she perked up a little.
For the first time ever she thanked us for taking such good care of her and said she really appreciated how we have looked after her for so long. It was the Dulcie of ten years ago and it surprised both of us, but then her next words were to ask us to give her something to 'put her to sleep' so she wouldn't be a burden and she kept on in that vein until we had to leave.
She even asked us if they (the nursing home) would put her to sleep now and she stopped one of the staff and asked her to give her something to put her to sleep.
We told her, over and over, that no-one could do that, only God could take her to heaven, when he is ready.
It is so sad to reach such an age (94) and want nothing but to die.
If I could pray for anything it would be to relieve her tormented mind and give her the peace she seeks. Alas, I can't ask for such a thing can I.
Thanks for listening, it helps to be able to share MY torment with friends who understand.
Please be kind to one and other, life isn't forever, it can change so quickly and all too soon a loved one is gone, if not in body, in mind, which is just as devastating.
Hugs and love, Meganne
Comments (21)
115778✽
by
asterixsew
09 Feb 2014
+14✽
Cyber hug to you Meganne. My late mil wanted to die for quite a time. How good that Dulcie thanked you for what you have done. My cousin always said she lost her mother twice, one the mother of her youth and then the person who looked like her mum but mentally was not. Anyway I am thinking of you
26316✽
by
juanitadenney
09 Feb 2014
+12✽
Continue to visit and comfort her as that is all you can do. It is so hard for someone in you situation but I will pray that you and your husband get through this.
11929✽
Hi Meganne. You and Ray are quite miraculous and despite these difficult times which you both share, it is heartwarming that that your love and care for Dulcie over many years has been recognised by her at this time. I believe that you know that you may not hear these comforting words from Dulcie again but you should take solace in the knowledge that she has taken this opportunity to express her love and gratitude to you both. Remember her for her true being at that time and use the strength from that knowledge to help you face the darker side of the world that she sometimes finds herself in.
I wish you all well.
I wish you all well.
169064✽
How I wish we could give you and Ray comfort. That one moment of awareness is truly a gift to treasure. And I know you treasure it. Prayer is never wrong when it is prayed in love. God understands, unfortunately, we also have satan in the picture. Please let us know how she is doing and how you and Ray are doing. Our prayers are being added to yours.
255054✽
Very happy you went to see MIL. Hugs to you and Ray for being so brave. Sarah.
158718✽
"If I could pray for anything it would be to relieve her tormented mind and give her the peace she seeks. Alas, I can't ask for such a thing can I."
Of course you can pray this prayer as long as you have the faith to put the results in God's hands and know that his answer is better than ours, no matter what it is.
I think you were given a precious gift in her thanks and maybe in her circumstance, to give us the advice of being kind to each other.
Of course you can pray this prayer as long as you have the faith to put the results in God's hands and know that his answer is better than ours, no matter what it is.
I think you were given a precious gift in her thanks and maybe in her circumstance, to give us the advice of being kind to each other.
1 comment
Yes, it was a precious gift. On a day that everything my Mother said was crazy or totally confused or imagined, I told her what a good Mother she had been for me and a blessing and thanked her for all she had done for me. She drew up into her former self and turned to me and said with great dignity, "Thank you." It was the only sane thing she said in my last three days with her. Look for, and savor, the blessings, however few, as they are treasures.
360671✽
I agree here today ,gone tomorrow ,and this life is but a memory.I try to live by the golden rule as i see you do .Hugs to both You and Hubby Carolyn
64451✽
Dear Meganne,
Nice that you were able to visit with her, always difficult though. Asfaras praying, I agree with Jerrilyn, he will know what is best for her. You know down deep in your heart and mind that you did the very best you could to give her what she wanted and needed so keep that in mind and find solice in the fact that it would have been a much harder life for her had you not been there.
Hugs from across the world
Michelle
Nice that you were able to visit with her, always difficult though. Asfaras praying, I agree with Jerrilyn, he will know what is best for her. You know down deep in your heart and mind that you did the very best you could to give her what she wanted and needed so keep that in mind and find solice in the fact that it would have been a much harder life for her had you not been there.
Hugs from across the world
Michelle
15982✽
by
theduchess
09 Feb 2014
+9✽
Meg and Ray, I know how hard this is for the both of you. Just keep praying and at least she did Thank you for your attention and the love you've given her. At least she has has caring people with her to help.Only prayers can ease the pain for all of you. I pray that God gives you strength and comfort. Stella
30656✽
Dear Meg and Ray: My heart ache's for you and your MIL. She is where she needs to be and ask you and others have said, God will welcome her home when the time is right. You have done all you can for her and I am glad she was able to express her gratitude to you both. Hugs Jerri
743327✽
good to read the visit was so nice. but sad to read she only wants to die. It's all in the hands of the Lord. But it's good she moved to a better place for her. Hugs / love for you.
475✽
I know just what you are going through. My Mom is almost 92,and in a nursing home because she does wonder and wasn't taking her Meds the way she should, and numerous other health issues Dementia is a horrible way to live out you last years (if you can call that living)Enjoy the moments when she is "back to her old self", they will become less and less. I visit Mom every, and every day is a new adventure---It's hard on the loved ones------you are not alone. I have the best husband who listens to me and tries to cheer me up when I feel so helpless because there is no cure for this disease. Count on family to help, if possible, and remember to take care of yourself
35301✽
Miss Meganne,
When mom was like this, I was advised to attempt and sidetrack her saying...oh it's not time to sleep yet, you only just got up, which in this case she did. Hugs and touching are also very important, if necessary just rock them in your arms. They need the soothing and to know that they aren't unloved or unwanted. Remember, if anything they are more afraid then you are of what's coming as they haven't anyone to guide them through the steps.
I'm also glad they moved her out of the ward, for you and your husband. Healing prayers and peace to you both.
Leaha
When mom was like this, I was advised to attempt and sidetrack her saying...oh it's not time to sleep yet, you only just got up, which in this case she did. Hugs and touching are also very important, if necessary just rock them in your arms. They need the soothing and to know that they aren't unloved or unwanted. Remember, if anything they are more afraid then you are of what's coming as they haven't anyone to guide them through the steps.
I'm also glad they moved her out of the ward, for you and your husband. Healing prayers and peace to you both.
Leaha
234507✽
Oh! dear Meg, I'm so happy for you that Dulcie is in a better area than what you were describing to me on Friday whilst you were here. Isn't it wonderful when they have moments of lucidity, and I'm so glad she had the opportunity to thank you for all you've done for her. As I said, I've seen what you and Ray have done first hand and I know the heartache it is causing you having Dulcie in another home. God bless you and I pray for peace all round, love always Chris
72397✽
My heart goes out to you and your family. Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs DeVon
89895✽
That was lovely to be acknowledge with the care you both have given her while she still can remember. When conversations go strange try to be quick and change the subject or distract her with something. So glad they moved her and you got to see her in a better room.
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Meganne, I have been in your shoes and totally understand how you feel. I am not going into details but just want you to know that you need to understand that you have done everything possible to make your mil's life better. That is what gave me strength, just knowing I had done the very best I could. My thoughts and prayers for you and Ray. Hugs..Carol
12407✽
by
christracey
10 Feb 2014
+3✽
Glad that you had a partially nice visit with your MIL Meganne. It was lovely that she was able to thank you both for all you had done...although her next thoughts weren't the Old Mil that you knew. It does get upsetting for you when this happens....but just remember her for the good old times. Her thoughts will tend to wander....as I said previously, she may not always know who you are but you know who she is, even if not her old self.
Love & hugs.
Love & hugs.
85867✽
Oh! child I am with you!! My mom is now 104 and God has put her here for a purpose and I would never rob her a day of it!! Some times she knows me and sometimes, I am not sure..Each time I see her I think it may be my last. I live with this. God has blessed her. Kay
122864✽
Thank you all, my dear Cute family. It really helps to be able to get some of this off my chest. Hugs and blessings to you all. Meg