Jan thinking of you and Willie with positive thoughts. Have a cyber hug dear

Jan, you must have been so close, and you must be a very special person,you were certainly picked by God for that reason, and even though it may seem at times like your heart may break, it will not because Ben is right there in your heart helping you through.
Hugs Pam.

Hi,

When I lost my 2 foster kids I was totally devastated. I started doing my sewing and embroidery and knitting in their room, and it did help.

So spend as much time as you need in his room, hopefully it will help you, too. And I found talking about them a lot helped as well.

My prayers are still with you both during this very difficult time. God will grant you the strength to get through this.

Dearest Jan.......you are starting a new chapter now, so it is time for you and Willie to grieve and support each other and reach out to all resources that can help you in this process.....grieving for the loss of a child is the ultimate sorrow to endure, therefore do whatever helps you along the way...........your picture here speaks a thousand words! Loving hugs to you.........

I am so sorry for the lost of your son, Of course you and your husband are in my prayers, I wish I could take away all the pain and sorrow you are feeling. Your son was a true Blessing .

Yes, being suddenly awake and not able to go back to sleep was a big part of my grieving. I could finally be "alone" with it. The thing that helped me was a sweet little old lady(widow) in my church, who I barely knew, said that nights are the worst and the most lonesome and she slipped me a paper with her name and phone number. Then she said, "I'm a night person and you can call me any time of night you need someone to talk with." I never called but I kept that piece of paper by my bed for a long, long time!

Sending hugs and prayers to you and Willie...sooo very sorry...sooo very sad....

Jan, While I am reading of your dear son and his passing, I am filled with enormous respect and gratitude for your beautiful example of a loving mom and of Ben's dad's as well. I pray for your pain of loss and I know of your peace and hope for a future with Ben in the next life. Please accept my condolences. BJ

Jan, my prayers continue to include you and Willie. I read some beautiful articles in a magazine on the loss of loved ones and saw a quote in one that Joe Biden made in one of the articles after loosing his wife and 1 year old daughter. "The (then) Vice President told the survivors he understood the 'black hole you feel in your chest, like you're being sucked back into it.'
But he insisted that the grief would lessen over time, even if it never vanished completely.
'There will come a day, I promise you, and your parents, as well, when the thought of your son or daughter or your husband or wife brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye,' he said.
'It will happen. My prayer for you is that day will come sooner or later. But the only thing I have more experience than you in is this: I'm telling you it will come.' He went on to say that it helped him to rate each day from 1 to 10 and said you may never have another 10, but you will eventually have a 5, so then you know you got there and can go there again someday.

Jan, I am so sorry you have such a hard time of grieving and remembering. You were so involved in his life as he needed more help than other children do. I pray for you and Willie, that the pain may lessen, that you will be able to rest at night and that peace will reign in your hearts.

Give your grieving some time... It will get better. You are already remembering his songs and singing and that is a lovely memory. Prayers and hugs to you both. !! Hope hubby gets better soon too. Suzanne

Seventeen days is not a long time with grieving. You have every right to be sad, to wake up, and to cry. Be patient with yourself. You have not even had time to think about how do you fill all of these empty hours now. Do what feels right. If you and Poppy want to sit in Ben's room, then sit there. If you want to stitch, then stitch. But most of all remember the many happy hours and the special people you have met thanks to Ben. But always talk to us whenever you need to. This is one big family where there will always be someone to listen.

My Dear Friend Jan, I believe you are where you are supposed to be, and Ben is in your heart forever. You are blessed with more of him than anyone else in the world and that makes you special. I still grieve for my loved ones after 40 years. It comes in spurts and some may call it hormones. It is the time for remembering and feeling the love you have for another. It is the best part are us, the glue that binds us, and all we take with us when we leave. Ben has you and Willie with him and he always will, and he too feels that incredible love that God has given us. You are loved and blessed my friend. See you in July.

Oh! my dear Jan I can feel your sorrow and heartache so much in these recent posts. I remember my Priest telling me to talk to and about your loved ones who have passed and I am sure you are doing that. Seventeen days is not long and you've been through such a traumatic time with his death, the travelling, the funeral and visitors etc. etc. Let everyone who is offering to help do so and ensure you and Willie are having some quality time together. I know your hearts are broken and I pray that you can feel God's presence surrounding you all. Please be assured of my thoughts and prayers for you - love and blessings Chris

Have you heard about the stages of grieving? There are seven in all. Some of us go through them quickly, and others take quite a bit of time. What you are experiencing is very normal, and it sounds like you are handling it beautifully even if it doesn't feel like it. I have found the final phase, dealing with absence, is the most difficult for me. Your pain and suffering will ease over time, and there will come a point where you will think of something or hear/see/smell something that reminds you of him, and you will smile inside. I know it doesn't seem possible now, but it WILL happen. Hang in there, and continue to stay in touch with friends, family and DH. I wish you and your family the very best!
Deanna

Wish I was there to put my arms around you each day, and tell you it will get better. One never gets over losing a loved one, but gradually reaches the point of adapting to life without them. That's not easy, but staying busy, keeping your mind focused on other things, may ease the grief process considerably. Walk, walk, walk, breathing deeply, and enjoying the beauty of nature, refreshes ones soul, and tires one physically for better rest at night.
Plan outings to be with others, so you do not seclude yourself from socializing. God still has great plans for you, Jan. All will fall into place for you "one day at a time", as each day becomes easier, guiding you to that "happy again" plateau in life!
I am always here for you, anytime, day or night, dear friend!
Love YOU so much!
Angel

Ms Jan, my respect for you and your husband is enormous. You have done and are doing what no parent should ever have to do. You bought a beautiful life into the world and now you have released him back to his Maker. The human part says you want the child forever; while the spiritual part understands your Ben was only on loan. Every emotion you are traveling through is good and there for the simple reason to help you heal and cope. Disbelief, guilt, numbness, nonacceptance, pain and even anger. I can't pretend to know what you are going through; none of us who haven't walked in your shoes, can. Sitting in his room is okay, walking the same paths and trails Ben loved is even better. Outside you can communicate and reach out to natures healing. If he liked butterflies, squirrels, etc. everything you see that was special to your Ben is still there. Hold the things he loved and just cry if you need to. It might be cathartic and even help to make a journal, chronicling the journeys and paths your life took while you enjoyed Ben's earthly life. The loss of someone you love is handled individually, it's an internal process...GIVE yourself the one gift you can right now...time.
ASAP...always saying a prayer. Never alone, never forgotten...always loved. Bless your whole family, especially you and your husband, dear Lord, in thy name and as your will not as my will be done. Amen
a friend Leaha

I am sending you cyber hugs hourly/daily....Our greatest help is knowing one day we shall be with our family and friends again...walking with JESUS.Singing-eating-dancing around like children..Time does make things better if we allow it....Things never go back, but memories never leave either....Be sure to take the time for you and Willie to get to know each other again...Men do not show the hurting like women do...They try to be strong for us but are just as fragile...Go out to a place where you 2 can enjoy some space without running into others...you were given the gift of each other and blessed with Ben. Children are a gift from God...You raised your Ben to Love and Worship Jesus and that is the best gift you ever gave Him...There is no other gift a parent can give their child than this...I pray you and Willie will take time (soon) to go some place together and focus on your changed life together,,,It won't be long before the time comes when we will all see our loved ones that have gone before us. Lots of love is sent from this home to your home...Hugs deanna

Dear Jan, I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your son. I now some of the pain as I lost my Dad the past Oct from Cancer, but I have heard say that nothing compairs to losing a child. Please know that my prayers are with you and your husband during this time. I know that the Lord is with you during this time, trust in him and let him confort you during this time. Praying for you. Mechille

Jan, I do not have so many words as all the others. But do know that I'm hugging you & your husband and all your friends in these hard times. Prayers for all of you. Linda

Dear Jan, I realy wished I could hug you now, prayers are coming your way......

My prayers are still with you and your family. I know how hard the grieving process is. In time it will get easier, just hang in there and remember all the good times. Cyber hugs to you. Shirley

I can not add anything to all the beautiful words I read here. I am glad you came here when you needed to express how you feel. All I can add is a that I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug.

Time is a blessing. We never know when our time will end, just always hold him dearly in your heart and love the time you were blessed together. Ben is in a better place, he will want you to put your mind at rest. When my Mom had passed I found much comfort in sewing clothes for my first granddaughter from her fabric stash. I knew she would be so elated to know I had put her old stash to good purpose. Was there a project of Ben's or a goal he wanted, you can complete for him or a memorial of sorts to make, maybe a small quilt wall hanging or something even simple like? I don't know, but please put your mind at rest. Someday if you have not already done so you will have him in your dreams and they will seem very real to you. Thanks for sharing your beautiful photo of his home sweet home. May God bless.

oh Jan .wish i could give you a real hugs but we both would only cry so i will ask the comforter to be there with you when you need him most hugsCarolyn

Dear Jan -- the animals know. Let them help you along this path. I believe that those that pass on are still with us in spirit for a time until we can get past the rough spots. So sit in his room and listen to him sing.
Prayers for you to find comfort and peace as well as much needed sleep! I am sure it will take some time before you adjust to sleeping through the night. You did not sleep for 26+ years. Give yourself the time you need. We are here for you. Hugs!

"Hold on..Sunday's coming." After the darkest hours, there's always light coming. You're in your dark hours, but Christ's light will overcome them. Often I am awake very late & just can't sleep. I know there's someone I need to be praying for...so I start praying. You & your family will be on my mental list during waking hours. Know that you have many prayers covering you during this time. I'm glad you are remembering that Ben will not have to grieve the loss of his parents! What a blessing for BEN! Praying as I type.

Looking at Bens bed is a smile waiting to happen. Poppy knows where to feel the love too. We all send you our prayers, love and support. I can not even imagine how you must feel. I had a thought, I hope it won't upset you? What if you take some of Bens favorite shirts and make a cozy, comfort quilt with squares of his clothes? It will always smell like him and feel like him, and might give you comfort while you sew it too. Just a thought... Huge hug to you and your dear hubby. I am so very sorry for your pain...

So sorry. Kay

Lots of prayers going up for you tonight and every night!! Hugs and God Bless you and Willie and make Willie well. HUGSnLove((((ro))))

Oh Jan, I will keep you in my prayers. My heart feels 'heavy' for you and your family. I hope Willie will be much better VERY SOON! Oh how sweet that poppy wanted to be there too !!!

Dear Jan, my heart goes out to you. I have been where you are and feel your pain. Wish I could give you a big hug. Remember I am here if you need me. Tell your DH Willie to take care and sending him a hug too. Devon

Dear Jan, Lot's of hugs and love coming your way

Poppy is just telling you that Ben is happy with our Heavenly Father. May His love and grace see you through this very tragic time. XOXOXO

You are both in my thoughts and prayers! Hugs, Joyce

Thank you for your prayers, it's getting harder now. I made the mistake of looking to see how Ben was doing in the back seat while I was driving. And, of course he wasn't there. I cried for three hours. It is just too sad. I know this is going to happen. Is there a limit to the amount of tears we cry for a lost children?